Merry Christmas

b - none
l - a bowl of pasta with meatballs
snack - 7 or 8 choc. chip cookies
d - 3 servings of ham, some fruit, 1 serving of cheesy potatoes

red light day

e - none

Daily Report

b- 2 croissant, cheese, and fruit
l-split 2 entrees with KT at Applebee's
d-1 croissant turkey sandwich and a brownie

green light day

e - 30 minutes of Stairmaster @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
while at work today - 4 breadsticks, a brownie, & a slice of pizza
d - 1 bowl of soup, 1 slice of homemade wheat bread
green light day

Today I'm grateful I brushed my teeth twice today....minty fresh aaahhhhhh!

E - 30 stairmaster and resistance training

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 2 biscuit sandwiches
l - #9 from Jimmy John's and some BBQ chips
d - Super Nacho and 2 tacos from Taco John's

red light day (not because of quantity as much, everything was fast food)

e - 30 minutes StairMaster, 20 shooting hoops @ 24HF.

Weight Report

445 @ 24hf 2 days ago, down 5 from last month.

Let's get it.

The smell of vomit is so gross.....

I know the smell of vomit is so gross because I held my sick little girl a lot today. I hope she is better tomorrow, sick children can really take it out of me. Then, I want take-out. LOL.

I need to work on my paper for philosphy tomorrow, even if Geni is still sick. Life cannot be my excuses for complacency. Somebody let the world know I'm coming. . . . .

Daily Report

b - cereal w/ milk
l - 2 slices of pizza and spinach dip and crackers
d - 3 drumstix, 2 thighs, 2 biscuit, some fries and mashed potatoes

yellow light day

e - none.

No, No, No

Today I woke up hungry. I know that what I'm feeling is physical hunger, however, I cannot go eat. If I start eating at 5:30am the choices that I'll make will not be good ones. I decided to come and post something to my blog instead. Lately, my food has been tough for me. I keep rationalizing eating more food, and I haven't been dealing with those feelings lately. School for the most part is over for the semester, just one more paper to write and no finals left. I feel like binging almost everyday lately. I not sure what's is at the root of it, but I ask The Spirits to guide me away from food. I want to recover. These past couple of weeks have been difficult, but I made it through. "I" means that I have been using others to get me through. I cannot do this alone. I learned that in OA, even though I feel like I'm slipping away from many of the people there. I feel like my fellow members of OA helped me open a door to the discovery of my compulsive overeating. I thought when I walked through that door I would be going on an adventure of self-recovery with people that wanted to get better like me. That doesn't feel like the case a year and a half later. I feel like it's time for me to branch out into the world. Also, I feel like a need to stop labeling myself "recovering from compulsive overeating" because I want everyone to know how hard I'm trying to become a different person. I need to just live with all the new knowledge The Spirits have given me and just let myself grow, without any restrictions. I know that I am a person that wants to be good, and I want to make the world around me better. I just need to work on that.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 2 slices cinnamon raisin bread
l - chicken leg and thigh, a serving of potato salad, 2 piece of bread
snack - 1 slice of cinnamon raisn bread
d - 4 slices of pizza, 2 breadstix

yellow light day

Post Something

So I did. Fuck, life is crazy. I can't blame my life for letting go of the things that help.

Daily Report

b - 2 slices & 2 breadstix
l - side salad, 3 pieces of cheesebread, 3 slices of pizza, 2 glasses of soda
d - 10 chicken nuggets and a bowl of mac-n-cheese
later on - sonic blast

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b-two cookies
l-plate of nachos
d- 1 & 1/2 bowls of rice and stirfried vegatables
dessert- 4 cookies and 2 scoops of ice cream

yellow light day

e - 45 minutes on treadmill at 24HF

Daily Report

b-2 pieces of chicken and half a taco
l-turkey footlong from subway
d-plate of nachos
later on - 9 chocolate chip cookies

red light day

e - none

Daily Report for Yesterday

b-3 eggs w/ toast and salsa
l-2 squares of lasagna
d-7 tacos, 1 piece of cake and 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream

red light day

e-30 stairmaster, 20 shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 4 drumstick, large cajun rice, some fries, some shrimp cravers, and a biscuit from Popeye's
d - 3 pieces of lasagna, 2 pieces of carrot cake and 3 scoops of ice cream

Red Light Day

e - none

U can't tell me nothing

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
No.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I'd sell them on ebay...ppl will buy anything
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
michael jackson and ice cube
4. What is the best thing about your job?
i get to drive around and listen to my loud ass music

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class?
no

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
canada

9. Quote a song lyric?
"The absence of God will bring you comfort, baby
And planning's for the poor so let's pretend that we're rich"

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
both

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
no

13. If you could be an animal what would you be?
elephant

14. What state/country are you from?
nebraska

15. Tell us about the last conversation/s you had.
how bout i don't

16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
on vacation mofos

17. What is your favorite smell?
DKNY Be Delicious

18. What is your favorite sight?
the sun

19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
neg

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
jeah

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
jeah...i was an angry teenager

23. Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
yes

24. Have you ever toilet-papered someone's house?
no

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
yes,...

26. Have you ever gone camping?
jeah

27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
jeah...

28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
no

29. Have you ever drank?
jeah

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
just the police...but i'm black and i live in omaha

32. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
all the time

33. Have you ever been cheated on?
i hope not...that would really fuck up this whole marriage thing

34. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
jeah

35. Have you ever lied to your parents?
...duhhh

36. Have you ever been out of the US?
i got married in canada...bitches

37. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
no

38. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
no

39. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
oh yea...yikes

40. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
idk

41. Kissed more than one person at a time?
no

Daily Report

b - 1 & 1/2 pb&j
l - 1 plate of food (some dressing, mini-taco, veggie pockets, & some chicken nuggets)
d - runza and onion rings

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel w/ fries
d - 1 and 1/2 soup with tomato bread
later on - king size snickers

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b- bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza, w/ some leftover veggie chili w/ fritos
d- 2 helping of turkey and 2 helpings of stuffing
later on - 2 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - 2.0 miles at Norris Middle School track, 5 minutes of running bleachers

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 3 fried eggs w/ cheese and salsa and 2 slices of toast
l - 2 triple cheeseburger from BK
d - 2 grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dipping
3 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some cheese nips
snack - 1/2 an egg salad sandwich and 4 snackwell cookies
d - 2 chili dogs, 1 hot dog, and a can of corn

green light day

Today I'm grateful for wanting what I have.

e - 50 minutes of walking @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some crackers
l - personal pizza and 1/2 an individual spaghetti w/ meatsauce
d - 3 slices of pizza and a breadstick

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for pull-ups.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster and 10 minutes of hoops @ 24

Daily Report

b - cheese, crackers, pickles, & summer sausage
l - some grapes and 2 bites of strawberry yogurt
d - some more cheese, crackers, summer sausage, but also with eggsalad and bread
later on - sonic blast
even later on - half a my sister's sonic blast

Red Light Day

Today I'm grateful for My Breezy YO!'s touch on my skin.

e - 45 minutes of treadmill, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops and 24

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
Thanksgiving Dinner - 2 plates of food, 1/2 slice of pumpkin pie, 1/2 slice of cherry pie, 2 slices of apple pie

Yellow Light Day

Today I'm grateful for an invitation to come and spend the holiday with people that I love.

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster, 25 minutes of shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - can of slim fast
l - soft taco and a grilled stuft burrito from Taco Bell
d - 4 slice of pizza and 2 breadsticks

Green Light Day

I'm grateful today that I am willing to "do the work" of recovery.

e - 30 stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 3.8mph and 30 shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix
d - 1 and 1/2 bowl of marinara spaghetti and a can corn
dessert - oreo sonic blast

yellow light day

Today I'm glad all the time is not mealtime.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 4.0, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops at 24HF

Weight Report

2 days ago at 24HF I weighed myself for the month. I'm at 450, down 2 lbs from last month. I have been lackadaisical with my food and my exercise over the past month. It's time to get back into a more normal stride and start listening to my body

Daily Report

B - 3 slices of thin crust pizza and 2 breadstix
L - 1 plate at my daughters pre-school thanksgiving dinner
S - 5 or 6 fritos with hummus, and a cheese stick
D - lasagna and a cesar salad

Today I'm grateful I'm outta school for a whole week!

E - 43 minutes walking at 4.0 mph and 15 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
L - 2 breadstix and bean burrito
D - plate of veggie chili nachos

Today I'm grateful that I hear my body.

E - 30 minutes of treadmill and 20 of shooting hoops at 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel sandwich and some fries
d - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for Bob Marley

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster and 20 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24 HF.

Late Daily Reports

Thursday, November 15, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open face turkey sandwiches
d - 2 slices of pizza, 2 breadstick, half of a spaghetti

Green Light Day

E - none

Friday, November 16, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - half a Frescetta Pizza with garlic hummus
d - 1 and 1/2 Falafal Sandwiches w/ a few fries and some chips and hummus
later on - Reese's Sonic Blast

Yellow Light Day

E - None

Good-bye Mr. King Size

When I came into OA I cut my food by 50%. That was easy because I made some rules that I was willing to live by. Now it is time for me to rewrite those rules again. For about 4 months now my mind has been fighting with my stomach about food. I will be in the act of eating something and my body will tell my I have had enough. However, my mind keeps telling me to keep eating. I don't want to do that anymore. Today I'm giving up eating more food than I need.

My entire life I have lived for big meals. I'm not talking about just during the holiday season or a birthday celebration or something like that. I'm talking about everyday breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wanted big meals all the time. I was at a buffet if and only I was experiencing life to the fullest. That's sounds like a weird statement I know, but the only time I truly remember uncontrollable bliss is when I was in the presence of more food than I could handle. Even though I have stopped eating to that level of excess, I have still been holding on to that bliss from compulsive eating.

For today, I realize that I need to release more of my food. I have been losing weight at a pace of about 8 lbs a month since a joined 24 Hour Fitness in May. I know that I must be willing to do this for continuation of my recovery to keep happening. I want to eat like a normal person, that doesn't mean I will think like a normal person does about food. I'm ok with that. I have tools today to help deal with my disease of compulsive eating. Knowing that, I must now say my good-byes to eating more food than I need to live.

I have a responsibility to love and care for myself, excess food takes away from that.

Love is not large quantities of food.

Being overweight hides who I really am.

I don't want to be fat anymore.

Less food equals a smaller me, and a smaller me can live for a long time.

I want to be alive when my kids have kids.

Excess food equals death for me.

Eating right keeps my spirit alert, aware and ready for action.

I deserve the next level of life, to get there I'm letting go of this excess food.

Normal exists for a reason, I want to experience it.

Good-bye Mr. King-Size, you are dismissed.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - falafel sandwich w/ curry fries
snack - king size snickers
d - 4 pieces of chicken, serving of mashed potatoes and a biscuit from Popeye's
after the gym - king size m&m's

red light day

Today I'm grateful for my struggles.

e - 1 hour personal training appointment at 24hf

I'm exicited....

I'm excited to get today over with. I have a long school day, errands to run, personal trainer appointment at 9pm at 24HF, and an OA meeting at 7:30 today. Despite my crying, I'm excited to have this full life. I'm grateful for this life, I love it.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 Chicken Sandwiches, 1/2 PB&J
D - Gyro & Fries
Later On - Slice of Pie

Today I grateful that I have friends.

E - 30 of StairMaster @ 24 Hour Fitness, and 20 minutes of shooting hoops.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Cheesy Beefy Melt, 7 Layer Burrito and Rice from TB
Snack - Snickers Bar
D - 2 bowls of soup, leg, 2 thighs off a rotisserie chicken, and an apple

Today I'm grateful I have a plan

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of cereal
L - Turkey Sandwich and 1/2 a PB&J
D - 2 serving of rice, stir fry vegetables and General Chicken
Later On - 4 oatmeal raisin cookies

Today I'm grateful that my left knee is now without pain.

E - 2.4 miles on FCT

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 PB&Js
D - Falafel sandwich and fries

Today I'm grateful that I have the ability to act on life instead of just reacting.

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of oatmeal
L - Gyro and Fries
D - 1 and 1/2 bowls of pasta w/ 3 pieces of spinach garlic bread

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful that my feet touch the floor when I sit on the toilet.

E - None

People in my life

K8thekat, Nia, Geni, Baby X, Momz, Peedie, Dizzle, Jill, Chicken Mom, Cornbread, Randa, Mr. Corry, Jacqueline, Cherrisse, Granny Cook, Eze, Ike, Aunt Julia, Mr. Coughran, Ms. Martin, niQ, baby duky, & Dr. Coughran I love you all. Thanks for being around.

Holla @ ya boy,
Paul Jackson

Disappearing Act

I have been gone for a week from my blog. I have been whining, griping, fighting with myself, my wife and my life. Resistance never gets me anywhere. The world taught me a big lesson this past week. If I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to take care of anything. So, I am gonna slow down and get back to some basics for me. I have kinda let go my focus at school, that is behavior I'm notorious for doing. I am recomposing myself and not letting myself quit. Quitting is my old forte. I have 2 "B's" and 1 "C" in the courses I am currently taking. I should have 3 "A's," but I also should be 200 lbs. I haven't put in the work, on either front yet, so why should I have results I haven't worked towards. On the school front, I'm moving forward. On the recovery part, I'm moving forward. My last week of food has been OK, nothing horrid nothing fabulous. However, I'm realizing that I want to participate in some sort of compulsive behavior when I'm feeling disgruntled, angry, or out of place and I won't let myself eat. That's when I need to get to a meeting, but I haven't been to one in over a week. I missed my regular one for a Friday night photoshoot at the Walmart portrait studio, not my idea of fun. I have other tools for getting to a better mental place, and this blog is one of them. I don't know why I run from the things that help me "get better" when I'm in a "bad place." Today I realize that this is going on at least, and I'm trying to update my thinking for the future. Anyways, my daily report will consist of a something I am grateful for that day (I probably won't do this forever). I will also start adding if I execised that day. Moving my body gives me time to focus on me in a really healthy way. I need to make the best effort I can exercise daily.

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Spaghetti and 1 and 1/2 Giant Breadstix from work
D - 3 Tacos

Today I am grateful for my opportunity to recover from compulsive eating. Not everyone gets this gift. I want this gift, I need to make sure that I take care of it.

E - Today is walked 2.2 miles on the FCT.

AfterMATH

Today was the day that my two take-home tests were due, and I had an in-class test in Abstract Math. I'm so glad it's over. I can't remember ever pushing myself through such a tough period of academics and I've come out the other side ok. I didn't binge, isolate, shut-down, or shut-off. I let myself have my feelings, but didn't let them sideline my life's responsibilities. This is due to my recovery from compulsive eating. I can't wait to see what this world has in store for me. I just need to remember to stay open to world's messages. I love life, whether "I want out" or I'm as happy as a clam. I am thankful for that gift today.

I'm living,
Paul Jackson

Food

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - 12 subway club
d - 2 hot dogs and a can of corn.
later on - some hummus and flatbread

throughout the day - I had about 10 pieces of Halloween candy

Yellow Light Day

Food for Yesterday

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk, 1 piece of apple cake
L - 1 and 1/2 PBJ w/ milk
D - 2 chili dogs, some chips, cheese and chili on the side, and a piece of apple cake

Yellow Light Day

Weight Report

I finally got to 24 Hour Fitness to weigh myself for the month. It has been an amazing autumn in Omaha, so I've been doing all my execising outdoors. My weight is 452, down from 462 last month.

Food

B - Bowl of oatmeal
L - 2 slices of pizza and 2 breadsticks
D - Vegetable Fried Rice, 2 Eggrolls, 3 Crab Rangoon, 3 Chicken Wings Pieces

Green Light Day

Food 4 10/26 & 10/27

Friday - 10/26
B - Bowl of Cereal w/ milk
L - Falafel Sandwich w/ fries and bowl of tuna casserole
D - El Kitchen Sinko Nachos
Yellow Light Day

Saturday - 10/27
B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Through the day @ work - 3 breadsticks, 2 bites of pasta salad, 2 bites of a brownie.
D - 2 Bowls of chili w/ fritos
Desert - Small Brownie with a scoop of ice cream
Green Light Day

I want out

I have been feeling really trapped inside myself the last few days. I haven't done the things I've been needing to do all week. I feel like right now life is to hard to live. I want things to be easier. I know that sounds lame, but I don't feel like I have the energy to go forward and do anything right now. I'm feeling really fearful, and I want to get to a better place. I know there is some work that must be done like; taking a shower, cleaning the kitchen, start working on my philosophy paper, study for my stats test Monday. I've just been beat down with sick whiny children all day, and I am wiped out. However, I can't afford to get anymore behind with my responsibilities. My food has been out of whack the past 2 or 3 days. I know that's a good place to check my barometer, but I just don't want to be a food addict today. I want to let loose into my old world where my ignorance was my bliss, but I can't let myself down. I will not let myself down. I want out of this skin.

Food

Mon - 10.22
Breakfast - bowl of oatmeal
Lunch - Rice and Vegtables
Dinner - 5 pieces of chicken from Popeye's and a biscuit
Green Light Day

Tues - 10.23
Breakfast - bowl of cereal
Lunch - I can't remember
Dinner - 5 chicken tacos

Wed - 10.24
Breakfast - 2 pieces of leftover chicken & some leftover seasame chicken
Lunch - Falafel w/ grape soda
Later on - 2 chicken tacos
Dinner - Bacon cheeseburger toaster & oreo sonic blast
Red Light Day

Thur - 10.25
Breakfast - 3 fried eggs w/ 2 slices of toast with hummus, cheese and salsa
Lunch - 2 PB&J's and a 32oz glass of milk
Dinner - 2 bowls of tuna casserole
Yellow Light Day

Me and My Breezy YO!

Katie and I went on a new trail for exercise today. It was amazing. Exercising is really important to me now. I want to live closer to the fantastic walking trails that are in my community. I want to live in way North Omaha. I love it there. I'm just putting this down so I'll remember it.

Food

Breakfast- Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 2 tacos, cheesy beefy melt and a pintos and cheese from Taco Bell
at the bowling alley - snickers bar
Dinner - 1.5 enchiladas and 1.5 slices of pizza and a can of corn

Green Light Day

Food

Breakfast - Leftover rice with mixed vegetables and a chicken drumstick
Lunch - 6" inch personal pizza and some spinach noodle pasta
Dinner - 2 slices of pizza and 5 chicken wing pieces

Green Light Day

Food for Yesterday & Today

10-18-07 Thursday
Breakfast - PB&J
Lunch - chicken and veggie stir fry
Dinner - 2 chicken spinach and cream cheese enchiladas
Desert - 4 oreo's and some vanilla ice cream

Yellow Light Day

10-19-07 Friday
Breakfast - Gyro w/ chips and hummus
Lunch - 2 slices of pizza
Dinner - Falafel sandwich w/ chips and hummus

Green Light Day

My Powerlessness

Admitting that I was powerless over food was probably the easiest thing I had ever done. I believe I was somewhere near 600 pounds when I started OA, so thinking that I somehow felt in control in any way of my food was ridiculous. However, now I believe that my eating is becoming more and more normal everyday. So, why do I still feel powerless over food?

The feeling of powerlessness doesn't come from the amount of food I put in my body, but from any amount of food that goes into my body. Just today for example, I had 1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich with water for breakfast. I used to eat three of them in one sitting and a least 32 ounces of milk to wash down all that thick ass peanut butter. I was trying to fill a void with food. After breakfast today my eating disorder still tells me I need more food, but my physical body is satisfied. Even when I eat normally my thinking is still corrupt about food. I feel powerless against it's effect on me. Now, does that mean I just say fuck it. No, because giving in to my compulsive eating makes me go numb. I loose all my focus, I get angry at myself, I feel worthless, I start doubting my life is worth living. I can't express the pain I will always live with knowing that I let food run my life for 26 years.

Food became the friend that was always there, never got angry, and my number one focus on a daily basis. I have always had jobs that catered to my self-abuse and binging. I would not go places because I wanted to eat. I would go places based on the food that would be available. Whenever I went to a buffet as a kid I could always remember my mom telling me to, "get her money's worth." I got that and more. I don't like the way food makes me feel, even when I enjoy it, even when I don't overeat, I always feel guilty. Guilt-free eating is something I know nothing about. I cannot change that, it is something that I will always have to live with I guess. I am getting more comfortable with it. I don't know if that is something that can be relieved working 12 steps. Maybe, just sitting with that level of uncomfortableness everyday is just what I need to remind myself that I have the disease of compulsive overeating.

Food

Breakfast - bowl of cereal w/milk
Lunch - Falafel sandwich w/ curry fries
Dinner - Side Salad, 1 cup of rice mixed with greek pototoes, and a couple french fries.

Green Light Day

My Living Problem

I went to an OA retreat this weekend and I left greatly disappointed. I left seething at the fact that people will actually make an effort to come to an event that is about self-recovery and then at the retreat make no commitments to recover. I'm sick of all the no-go gettas. I'm disgusted with people not realizing that this problem of compulsive overeating, then turns into compulsive dieting, then back to compulsive eating again. The aforementioned cycle is one of death. Turning my mind over to a complete new way of thinking was the only way out. As I see myself looking upon those in the death cycle, I get angry. I want to help them, but I cannot because they don't want to change. So, I have recommitted myself to reaching out to people looking for a real complete lifestyle change. I have to make sure I do this in a honest, loving and caring way (this is not logically equivilent to soft and gentle). The honest truth we when are lying to ourselves in usually painful. OA is a great thing that has lead to much joy and abundance in my life because I have been honest, fearless and thorough throughout. I work OA like my life depends on it because it does. Daily weigh-ins, counting calories, compulsive exercising, obsessing about my next meal, lying about my food to myself, having dishonesty run rampant in my life are just some of the things I had to give up in order to work my program in OA. Changing my life has been up to me, how my life changes is up to The Spirits that guide and watch over me daily. My most undeniable proof of this is my physical recovery.

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 2 open-face tuna salad sandwiches and half a pickles
Dinner - 2 boca burger patties w/ cheese and 1 cup of rice w/ mix vegetables
Late Night - 1 boca patty and 1/2 cup of rice w/ mixed vegetables

Yellow Light Day

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 3 slices of pizza and a can of corn
Snack - peanut butter m&m's regular size
Dinner - Beef Taco and 2/3 vegetarian nacho's from California Tacos & More
Late Night - 3/4 cup of bean dip w/ chips

Yellow Light Day

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Country Fried Steak and Eggs w/ multi-grain pancakes
Lunch - King Size Snickers
Dinner - 3 slices of Pizza from Papa John's and a can of corn

Green Light Day

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - 3 slices of pizza, 3 mini sandwiches, raw carrots, a 1/2 a pickle
Dinner - 1 and 1/2 bowls of white chili, 1 and 1/2 cheese and peanut butter sandwiches, and a diet twist up

Green Light Day

Food

Breakfast - Glass of chocolate milk
Lunch - Some bean dip and chips
Dinner - Bowl of oatmeal

Green Light Day

P.S. I'm sick, so dPublish Poston't think by any means I would eat this little of my own volition.

Let's Get It

30 minutes of StairMaster.
I also did my weights.

Food

Breakfast - 2 open face PBJ's w/ milk
Lunch - Bean Dip w/ corn chips
Dinner - 3 pieces of chicken, large cajun rice, and 1 biscuit from Popeye's.

Green Light Day

Why I Post My Food

What goes into my mouth shows a great deal about how I am dealing with life. Dealing with life on life's terms is what I truly have a problem with. Compulsive eating and obsessing about food, are just my own personal self-destructive escapes from living my life. So posting my food is a huge deal to me, because what I put in my body is a representation everyday of how much I valued myself that day. Food journaling represents me much like a thermometer presents a temperature. The thermometer is not the temperature, but it can give you a great representation of what it feels like outside.

I need to post something everyday, so posting my food helps me do that. I am afflicted with the disease of compulsive eating, and reporting my food daily is quite humbling. Being humbled by the revelation that I am a compulsive eater lets me help others who suffer from the same condition. It helps me log in and post to this blog. I know that I would not stay on top of this blog if I did not make it a regular part of my life.

I encourage all of you who are suffering to: turn down the food, turn up the life.

Food

Breakfast - bowl of oatmeal
Lunch - Falafel sandwich and a grape soda
Dinner - Shrimp Hot Garlic Sauce (that's what it says on the menu), 2 crab ragoon, and 1 egg roll

Green Light Day

24 Hour Fitness

Up early today, and my exercise for the day is already behind me.
20 minutes on the StairMaster
20 minutes of shooting hoops
10 minutes of swimming

Food & Exercise

Breakfast - bowl of oatmeal
Lunch - Veggie Sandwich from Jimmy John's, w/ Fritos and grapes
Dinner - Valentino's Buffet, 2 plates, 1 desert

Walked for 50 minutes n my hood - 3 miles

Food

Breakfast - bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 2 chicken taco's and 1 steak taco at Chipotle
Snack - 3 vegan oatmeal raisin cookies
Dinner - 6 morningstar chik'n nuggets and a bowl of mac-n-cheese

Rethink, Huh, What, Nevermind?

I have trouble reporting my food everyday. I already know this. I'm just officially documenting my resistance. I have a lot of resistance in me. I need to find a way to release it that is positive. I know that I will get there. I just have to keep trusting all of the tools that have gotten me this far.

I have excercised this week by the way. I do it almost routinely, so I don't always think to blog it.
I went for at least a 40 minute walk 3 times this week.

I dumped some shit out of my life this week, so I'm waiting for another shipment from The Spirits for something new and exciting.

Holla @ ya boi,
-Paul Jackson

Food for Yesterday and Today

10.6.7 - Saturday
Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - an apple and a half, some fritos w/ velveeta dip (not too much)
Dinner - Lobster Tail and Mixed Seafood platter from Red Lobster, w/ a salad and 5 cheddar biscuits, I also had some of my wife's buffalo shrimp and a couple shrimp scampi

Yellow Light Day

10.7.7 - Sunday
Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/milk
Lunch - 2 grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches w/ a can of corn
@ bowling - 1/2 an order of breaded mushrooms w/ nacho cheese
Dinner - 5 Veggie Tacos
Dessert - Warm Cookie w/ 3 scoops of ice cream

Red Light Day

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of oatmeal
Lunch - 2 Tuna Sandwiches on Kaiser Buns, and less that 10 Fritos Scoops
Crap I just ate - 3 pieces of crust from my daughters personal pan pizza dipped in pintos and cheese (I swear, I'd do it again....it was good)
Dinner - Chinese buffet, I had two plates of food that is my maximum allowed.

Yellow Light Day

Note - Any day I go to a buffet....I don't have a green light day.

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of Life cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 2 Boca Burgers w/ cheese, baby spinach, and tomato, & 1 cup of saffron rice
Snack - Granola Bar
Dinner - 8 mini tacos, 2 chicken nuggets, 8 tortilla chips w/ some velveeta dip
Dessert - 2/3 of a cookie and 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream

Yellow Light Day

Two Days of Food

10.2.07 - Tuesday
Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/ milk & the last piece of leftover chicken
Lunch - 2 eggs with 2 tortilla & cheese & the leftover veggie chili nachos
N Btwn - a big ol' choc chunk cookie
Dinner - 5 slices of pizza, the toppings of another slice, and some monkey bread

Obviously the is a Red Light Day

10.3.07
Breakfast - Two Breakfast Sandwiches from BK, about 12 hashbrowns, 3 sips of juice (the kids were going hard on that juice)
Lunch - Gyro from King Kong (no fries, this is a good thing)
Dinner - 5.5 fish planks, 6 hush puppies, 1.5 corn on the cob, & some fries.

I took my frustration of today out on my body. This level of eating is horrendous. Red Light Day

If not doing this is to simple, I need to go back to the basics. Tomorrow, I'll get back to the basics.

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - bowl of oatmeal w/apples
Lunch - Combo platter from Carlos O'Kelley's
Snack - two pieces of leftover fried chicken from Popeye's
Dinner - two veggie chili cheese frito burritos

Water all day
Yellow Light Day

Food for Yesterday & Today

Sat - 9/29/7
Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/ milk
Lunch - 1.5 cups of Spinach Noodles and 2 slices of Bacon Cheeseburger pizza
Dinner - Medium Potato Ole, Steak and Rice burrito, Taco Bravo, & some leftover Super Potato Oles, about 5 bites
Yellow Light Day

Sun - 9/30/07
Breakfast - 3 fried eggs, 2 Peanut Butter and Banana Pancakes w/ milk
Lunch - 1 biscuit, 5 pieces of chicken, & a large cajun rice from Popeye's
Dinner - 1 cup of saffron rice, w/ raw veggies (baby spinach, onions, bell pepper, tomatoes, jalapenos)
Dessert - 3 Vegan Choc Chip cookies and 3 scoops of ice cream
Yellow Light Day

Food

Breakfast - bowl of cereal w/milk & 3/4 PBJ
Lunch - 2 Boca Burger whole wheat tortilla wraps
Snack - pudding cup
Dinner - 1 & 1/2 bowls of while chili, 3 slices of bread
Dessert :-) 3 cookies from Wild Oats

Yellow Light Day

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Leftover General Chicken w/ rice
Lunch - Blueberry yogurt & apple nutra grain bar
Supper - Two open face boca burgers topped w/ chedder, tomato, onion, and baby spinach w/ a side of steamed carrots

Green Light Day!!!!!

Go Me!!!

Today I got out of math 20 minutes early. So instead of going to a computer and browsing the internet. I decided to take a power walk around campus. I could really get used to this new thinking.

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/milk and slice of PB Bread
Lunch - 2 Boca Burgers w/ cheese, baby spinach and hummus, and a can of corn
Dinner - 1/2 my general chicken, 2 egg rolls, 3 crab ran goon, and 3 chicken wings

Yellow Light Day

Food

Break fast :-0 Bowl of cereal w/ milk, & slice of bread w/ peanut butter
Lunch - 2 slices of pizza and 4.5 breadsticks
Snack - 2 little pastries type things (idk what they are called, about 2x2 inches each)
Dinner - 2 slice of pizza and a can of corn

Green Light Day

Food

Breakfast - 2 eggs w/ shredded cheese and 2 slices of whole wheat toast
Lunch - 6-inch Chicken Bacon Ranch, 4 oz yogurt, and some apple slices
Snack - PB&J Sandwich and Pudding Cup
Dinner - 5 pieces of chicken, 1 serving of mashed potatoes, 4 pickled jalapenos, 2 biscuits, and 1 serving of cherry cobbler

Red Light Day

Out to Lunch

Today I'm going out to lunch with my sister and brother-in-law. We're going to Subway. This is not a big deal, but what I want to do is. I have never just ordered a 6-inch sub in my life. Today I am committing myself to only 6-inches of sandwich. Posting my thoughts is making me accountable for my actions in a whole new way. I don't want to post my food later and feel failure. So, committing to something new on my blog keeps me on my toes. Slacking is my default, so I need to set boundaries that will let me grow into a less dysfunctional person.

Today I will be honest and fearless,
-Paul Jackson

Thinking Update

I can do anything! However, I forget that constantly. I know that being free from compulsive eating today lets me live my life. But, I'm still learning what living life means. I'm taking an intro to abstract math class right now. I have a take home test due at 1pm today. I have known about this test for five days, but I refused to look at it. I don't want to be baffled by the questions and feel stupid. So, I just live in fear of taking the test. When I finally sit down Sunday night and do the fucking thing, it only took me about 90 minutes. It was challenging, I enjoyed that. Why did I not do it sooner? Next time I will do it sooner. I will not let my fears get in the way of my re-covery. My life depends on me. After I finished that test I went downstairs and celebrated with another pudding cup for the day and a Fiber One Bar. Now this is far from a binge, but I must find ways of rewarding myself that do not involve food. Today I see progress not perfection, and that's all I can ask for.

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Leftover Pasta from Cheesecake Factory and my slice of Carrot Cake Cheesecake (what a way 2 start the day)
Lunch - 2 Tuna Salad Sandwiches topped with mojack, baby spinach and tomato on wheat kaiser buns
Snack - 1 pudding cup and shared nacho's with my wife @ the bowling
Dinner - 1.5 cups of Pasta Roni
Later on - 1 pudding cup and a Fiber One bar

A Year of Growing

Today has been a day of reflection for me. I can truly look back over the past year and see tremendous growth in every aspect of my life. Somehow the birth of Emenike bonded our family in a unimaginable way. As the only biological child of my wife and I, he seems to belong not only to us, but to his two adopted sisters. Emenike is the spiritual glue of my family. His presence has created a peace inside me that allows me to "take things easy," which is the definition of his name.

Taking things easy has allowed me to continue to move forward in my own spiritual, mental, and physical recovery from compulsive overeating. Starting to learn about letting go of things out of my control has made me more useful to all other people that I encounter. The Spirits guide in all aspects of my life when I make myself available to their knowledge. Today I'm thinking with my recovery voice, and that feels amazing.

Amazing also best describes the growth that is happened in my marriage over the past 12 months. Everyday Katie's and my relationship grows more nourishing. Through the function and the dysfunction this woman and I are committed to make one another and ourselves better people. The Spirits have placed me in an environment of love and recovery; I continue to be thankful and careful with this gift.

My Monkeys keep my on my toes. They provide me lessons on life, love, responsibility and trust daily. Genevieve, Tanea, & Emenike have changed me forever. They have taught me how to "soak up the sun." I am humbled to be their father.

Life is good, if you live it,
-Chinwendu

Food

Breakfast - 1 Granola Bar and 1 Nutra Grain Bar
Lunch - 1 Rice, 2 Baja Bean Chalupa, & 1 Cheesy Beefy Melt from Taco Bell
Alex's Celebration - 2 pieces of Ice Cream Cake
Dinner - 2/3 Nacho Appetizer, 1/4 Cajun Jambalaya Pasta from The Cheesecake Factory

Emenike's 1st Birthday

LOL! This little boy fell asleep during after devouring as much of his first birthday cake as he could. I love my little boy. I'm proud to be his Daddy.

Exercise It!

Today I walked 1.9 miles on the Keystone Trail with the family.

Exercise and Weight Report

As of 9.21.7 I currently weight 462 pounds, down from 472 last month.

9.22.7
Walk w/ Momz and Babies @ Keystone Trail 2.2 miles

9.21.7
20 minutes of Stairmaster & 10 minutes of B-ball @ 24 Fitness

Food for Yesterday & Today

Thursday - 9.21.7
Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/ milk
Lunch - Two Cheeseburgers w/ carrots and broccoli
Dinner - 3/4 Crispy Orange Chicken Bowl from Applebee's
Later on - Chicken Thigh Sandwich
Drinks - Can of Barq's & Vanilla Coke Zero, water the rest of the day
Yellow Light Day

Friday - 9.22.7
Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/ milk
Lunch - Saffron Rice w/ SautÉed Chicken and Veggies
Dinner - 4/5 El Kitchen Sinko Fernacho's
Drinks - Water all day
Green Light Day

Food

I'm actually posting my food the day I ate it. What took me so long?

Breakfast - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
Lunch - Two Cheeseburgers, raw carrots and brocolli w/ ranch dip
Snack - Nutra-grain bar
Dinner - Five slices of Pizza Hut pizza
Drinks - Can of Coke Zero, water the rest of the day

Yellow Light Day

Yesterday's Food

Breakfast - None
Lunch - A Cheeseburger, chicken thigh, 1.5 cups of potato salad, and 1 oatmeal raisin bar.
Snack - Turkey Cheese w/ cheese
Dinner - Saffron rice w/ sautéed chicken and vegetables
Later on - 3 oatmeal raisin bars

Yellow Light Day

Manic Monday

Monday was by far the worst day I've had with food since I have been in OA. I disregarded all my boundaries. I ignored all the rules that make me feel safe and confident in my recovery. On Monday I fell early in the day and didn't get up until the mid-evening. I spent about 12 hours of the day feeling sorry for myself, bitter because I don't have the control I once had now being a stay-at-home parent. I have to go to school and run my kids back and forth all over the place on Mondays and Wednesdays. I don't want to clean my house, I don't want all these tasks to be so fucking difficult, but life is for learning. So today accept my responsibilities and master them so that life will reward me with new challenges. When things are difficult, I can face them, or I can eat. On Manic Monday I ate, that is old thinking. Today I'm back on track continuing on the journey of updating my thinking.

Food from Monday

To start - 5 oatmeal raisin bars, 2 cups of grapes.
Lunch - Feta Cheeseburger, 3 boneless skinless chicken thighs, 2 cups of potato salad, 2 oatmeal raisin bars.
Later on - 5 oatmeal raisin bars w/ milk
Dinner - 3 hot dogs on two hot dog buns, 2 chicken thighs, 2 cups of potato salad, a handful of grapes, about 2 cups of raw broccoli and carrot w/ bleu cheese dip
An hour after supper - 2 oatmeal raisin bars

Food for Yesterday & Today

Sat (9-15-7)
Breakfast - Fiber One Bar and a bowl of cereal w/milk.
While I was @ work -2 Slices of pizza, 3 zzagos, 1/2 cup of diced ham
Dinner - Dozen Chicken Wings and 2 Slices of Pizza
Drinks - Water, 32 ounces of Diet Pepsi while I was at work

Yellow Light Day

Sun (9-16-7)
Breakfast - None
Lunch - 2 slices of pizza and a breadstick
Dinner- 5 boneless skinless chicken theighs, 1 cup of potato salad, 2 slices of cake, 1 feta cheeseburger, and some other stuff too. I can remember everything I ate. :-( I need to update my BBQ thinking.

Red Light Day

My 7 Deadly Sins Quiz

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Very Low
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Very Low

I took this quiz today. Take it yourself if you'd like. http://www.4degreez.com/misc/seven_deadly_sins.html

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Food Last 3 Days

I'm slipping, but I just got up.

Wed (9-12)
Breakfast - 2 slice of toast, topped with garlic hummus, cheddar, and 3 fried eggs
Lunch - Gyro and fries from King Kong
Dinner - 3 drumsticks, 2 thieghs, large cajun rice, 3 biscuits, 1/2 a popcorn shrimp craver and a few fries.
Later that night - Bowl of Cereal w/milk
Water all day

Thoughts on this day: I was feeling rather exicted on this day. I had homework for school completed and that is a change from my past. I celebrated with food, all day. This is not the idea of recovery that I have been looking for. I'm looking at this.

Red Light Day

Thur (9-13)
Breakfast - 2 slice of toast, topped with garlic hummus, cheddar, and 3 fried eggs
Lunch - 2 PB&J's and a glass of milk
Dinner - Philly Sandwich, 4 bitesize eggrolls, and 1/2 of a kidmeal sandwich from Arby's
Later that night - Bowl of Cereal w/milk
Drinks - Vanilla Coke Zero, water the rest of the day

Yellow Light Day

Fri (9-14)
Breakfast - None
Lunch - 2 Tuna Sandwiches w/ tomatoes, baby spinach, hummus, cheddar and bell pepper
Snack - Fiber One Bar and a pudding cup
Dinner - 2 chicken thieghs, serving of rice, and a serving of green beans
Drinks - 8oz of juice, water the rest of the day

Green Light Day

I'm trying,
-Chinwendu

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of Chinwendu's Special w/ milk
Lunch - Veggie Chili Nachos
Snack - 2 Granola Bars
Dinner - One Beef Soft Taco, One Steak Soft Taco, One Bean Burrito
Snack - 3 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Yellow Light Day

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Bowl of Chinwendu's Special w/milk
Lunch - Veggie Gyro, 2 Strips of Gyro Meat & 1/2 a Greek Potato
At School - Snickers bar
Dinner - Plate of Veggie Chili Nachos, topped with: french onion dip, saffron rice, & black olives

Green Light Day

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of Chinwendu's Special w/ milk
Lunch - 5 veggie chick'n nuggets, 3 Dino nuggets, and saffron rice w/ tomatoes and red peppers
At the bowling alley - 8 breaded mushrooms w/ nacho cheese sauce
Supper - Two Boca Burgers w/ MoJack, sautaeed mushrooms, onions and bell pepper - I also had about 10-12 grapes
Drinks - 8oz of juice, water the rest of the day.

Listening to My Body

Recently some major changes have been happening with me and food. My body has been telling me to stop eating half way through meals! My body doesn't care that I don't get to finish everything on my plate. My gut has officially sent out a memo to my brain, effective immediately: 1. start ordering less food when I go out and 2. start loading less food on to my plate when I am at home. I must admit that even though this is the miracle I've been asking for, I have not fully wanted to comply. From now on, I will comply. I'm frustrated by all my new responsibilities of being a stay-at-home dad and returning to school. So getting to eat, even when I'm not doing it compulsively, has been a huge comfort to me. However, my body is telling me to turn down the food and I will do that. The Spirits of Love that surround me having never let me down. This is a message from them. I must be willing to let go of something, in order to get something new in return. Today, like most days my life, my struggles revolve around my acceptance of the things around me and my ability to make positive change where I can.

Thank You Spirits,
Chinwendu

"Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough."

-Ram Dass

Asleep at the Wheel

My food reports need to be made daily unless doing so is unreasonable. My lack of recent food reports has strictly been a result of my laziness. If I am to truly commit to this, I must remember that this blog for me is a daily reminder that I am a compulsive eater, I am in a program of recovery, and I am trying to update my thinking.

Food, Friday, September 7, 2007
Breakfast - Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie from Wild Oats
Lunch - Two Boca Burgers with MoJack, Alfalfa Sprouts, Onion, Red Pepper, Jalapenos and Tomatoes
Dinner - Spaghetti and Meatballs Dinner in from Greco's.
Drinks - Lots of H2O today
Green Light Day

Food, Saturday, September 8, 200!
Before Walk - Yogurt, Banana and Granola Bar
After Walk - Granola Bar
Lunch - 1/2 Veggie Gyro Platter for Jim & Jennies (My Breezy YO! finished the fries!)
Dinner - 2 Bean Enchiladas, Serving of Rice with Red Peppers, Tomatoes, and Onions
Green Light Day

Food for Yesterday & Today

Wed
Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/ milk
Lunch - A slice of pizza and 4 zzagos
Dinner - gyro and fries

Thurs
Breakfast - Bowl of Cereal w/milk and 3 Chips Ahoy cookies
Lunch - 2 Bean Burritos with chips and bean dip
Dinner- 3.5 Fish Planks, 4 hush puppies, small side of cole slaw, and a "man-size" bite of fries from LJS

Water all day both days

Food

Breakfast - None

Lunch - 1 Bean Enchilada, a cup of saffron rice, and two scrambled eggs

Snack - 2 pudding cups

Dinner - 2 Tacos & Dinner size plate of nachos

Drinks - 4oz of juice, I drank water the rest of the day

Today was vegetarian, yellow light day

Until tomorrow,
-Chinwendu

Exercise It!

Sunday and today, the fam and I went to the trail and got our walk on. 2.3 miles for me each day.

I'm tired & going to bed,
-Chinwendu

Food for Yesterday &Today

Yesterday

Breakfast - Skillet at Village Inn with multi-grain pancakes
Lunch - Chips and Hummus
At the bowling alley - King Size Snickers
Dinner - Supersonic cheeseburger, large tots, and vanilla coke

Today

Breakfast - Bowl of Shredded Wheat w/ milk and 3 Chips Ahoy cookies
Lunch - 3 slice of BCB pizza and 10 chicken wing drumettes
Dinner - 2 bowls of Mushroom Alfredo Pasta topped with fresh tomatoes
Later - Med Blizzard for DQ, but I couldn't finish it. I only ate half.

I need to review these 2 days later.

Peace and Love,
-Chinwendu

Food

Before Walk - granola bar and half a banana

Breakfast - mini pizza(hamburger, pepperoni, black olives, and bacon) and a chocolate chunk cookie (at work)

Lunch - 2 Slices of Hamburger Pizza and a Individual Salad (at work)

Dinner - 2 Slices of BCB Pizza, 5 Chicken Wing Pieces, and 1/2 a bread stick

Yellow Light Day!

Saturday Stroll on the Trail

Today I walked 2.5 miles on the Field Club Trail with My Breezy Yo!, the kidz, and Momz YO!. It was great. I have not exercised since my last Exercise Report on Sunday. That is not the "new normal" for me. I have committed to exercising tomorrow. Right now, I will commit to exercising at least twice during this upcoming week. I need to make sure I get my exercise because for me it is like swimming in a fountain of life.

Peace & Love,
-Chinwendu

Food for Yesterday

Breakfast - Bowl of Life Cereal w/ milk

Lunch - Original Submarino, 2 bread sticks, and 2 bites Fettuccine Alfredo.

Dinner - Beef California Taco, 1/2 order of veggie nacho's, 16oz Orange Soda from California Taco's & More.

Late Night Movie Watching - Half a bag a popcorn.

Food

Breakfast - 1 Nutra Grain Bar and 1 Granola Bar.

Lunch - 2 slices of pizza and 3 breadsticks.

Snack - Some grapes, about 10 cheese cubes, 12 corn tortilla chips, and garlic hummus.

Dinner - 2 Enchiladas, a serving of saffron rice, all topped with fresh tomatoes, bell pepper, and onion.

Drinks - 8 ounces of juice, I drank water the rest of the day.

Today was a Yellow Light Day.

Ta-Ta 4 Now,
-P_Jax_YO!

Food

Breakfast - Bowl of Life Cereal w/milk

Lunch - 2 legs, 2 thighs, 2 biscuits, a side of coleslaw, and potato wedges.

Dinner - 2 slices of pepperoni's lovers pizza, 1 slice of vegetarian pizza, 3 breadstix (and a bite off another one), 5 chicken wing pieces, and 2 pieces of crust.

Drinks - I drank water all day.

Today was a bad food day, RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT! My lunch was excessive. However, it was cheap, so I led myself down a foolish path of excess. Dinner was a horrible mindfuck. I knew from the jump I should have set limits, but I did not. I let 2 out of 3 meals today crush my spirits, now I feel like shit. My body feels like 1000 pounds heavier. However, that is not the truth. I will succeed as long as I keep LEARNING. Today's failure has eched inside me these commandments:

1. Thou shalt listen to thy inner voice of recovery.
2. Thou shalt not kill oneself with food.
3. Thou shalt love oneself, unconditinally, and without reservation.
4. Thou shalt admit to being a compulsive overeater daily.
5. Honor those around you by sharing your love, dreams, experiences, strengths, and hopes.
6. Thou shalt release old ideas and update their thinking.

Loading......Please Wait,
-Paul Jackson

Food

Breakfast - 2 cups of Chinwendu's Special w/ milk.

Lunch - 2 Tuna Sandwiches on Onion Kaiser Buns w/ tomato, baby spinach, onion & bell pepper.

Dinner - 2 Boca Burgers on Onion Kaiser Buns w/ tomato, baby spinach, & cheese, about 20 Corn Chips with Garlic Hummus Dip.

Drinks - 8 ounces of juice, the rest of the day I had water.

Yesterday: My First Day of School

I returned to the University of NE-Omaha yesterday. It was my first day back after a 5 year hiatus. Finding a parking spot was really easy which just gave me more time to worry about other things, like the tremendous self-doubt I was letting run a muck in my head. I realized that being in my head when I was at school was one of my biggest problems. I need my focus on school when I'm at school, duh! So, in that moment, I released my past academic failures and remembered today I'm working on building new roads of success.

I'm taking 3 courses this semester. I liked the my first day in each class. I, for the first time, do not have anything to gripe about after day one. I like being back at school. I feel at home there. I can tell that's where I'm supposed to be.

To time to go study,
-Chinwendu

Food

Breakfast - None

Lunch - A plate of Nachos at my mama's house and I didn't even finish them and they were the bomb. (Now that's recovery....WOOT!)

Dinner - A Baby Spinach and Tomato Salad with croutons and zesty italian dressing, and a bowl of White Sauce Pasta.

Drinks - 8ounces of juice, water the rest of the day

Food

Breakfast - 1 Nutra Grain Bar and 1 Banana

Lunch - 2 Grilled Cheese and Tomato Sandwiches on whole wheat bread and 1 can of green beens

Snack - Granola Bar

Dinner - Order of rice, bean Baja Chalupa, & a Bean Burrito from Taco Bell.

Drinks - I had a 8oz glass of juice, the rest of the day I had water.

Green Light Day,
-Chinwendu

Walk with Wifey, Gramz, & the Little Monsters

We went for a walk today. I walked 2.4 miles while pushing the double wide stroller in about 40 minutes. This is a vast improvement for me. A couple of years ago this same walk took me over an hour. My momma came with us and that was awesome. I hope for more mornings like this.

PIC: Me and my baby Genevieve. Don't we look so much alike.

Picture me strollin',
-Chinwendu

Food: Saturday, August 25, 2007

Breakfast - I had a bowl (2 cups) of Crunchy Corn Bran/Quaker Oat Squares (I call it Chinwendu's Special) w/ milk.

Lunch - I had 2 Grilled Cheese and Tomato Sandwiches on whole wheat bread. I also ate the crust off of my daughter's grilled cheese sandwich.

Later on in the day - I had a handful of peanut M&M's and half of a king size Snicker's Bar.

Dinner - I had beef fried rice at my sister's house, about 3-4 cups. I also had 3 pieces of some crusty ass french bread she made.

Drinks - I had an 8 ounce glass of juice, other than that I had water all day.

Today was a Green Light Day for me. That means for me this was a good day. Food wise, I would be comfortable if everyday was like this.

This may seem really weird but I'm gonna do it.

Honesty has been my biggest asset in my journey with food addiction. Without honesty nothing else would have come to pass for me. Lying about food, covering up when and where I ate used to be one of the biggest secrets in my life. Silly me did not realize I was literally wearing the secrets of hidden binges and non-stop grazing on my body. So, in order to remain wickedly in check about my food, I will report it daily on my blog. This may seem really weird but I'm gonna do it because I need to be able to see it and share with whoever else wants to see it. Also, this helps me make better decisions about food. I promise to share openly about it because it helps me stay focused on life and not on food.

Holla at ya boy P_Jax_YO!

My Opening Statement

My name is Chinwendu, and I am a compulsive overeater. On March 10, 2006 I realized that I had a problem with food. So that day, I joined Overeaters Anonymous(OA). When I entered the doors of OA, I weighed in excess of 550 pounds. Of course, I knew I was morbidly obese, but I did not realize just how lethargic I was. I knew that physically I was not like other people, but I did not understand the profound effect my eating had on my thinking. My food addiction kept me numb, and left me disconnected from the life I was trying to attain for myself. I suffered daily from extreme chest pain. I would be winded just going up one flight of steps. Now, one day at a time, I'm attempting to work 12 steps. However, this is not an advertisement of any sort for OA. Today, at 472 pounds, I just want to share the experience of my current and future weight loss with other people. I want to get to know more people who are looking for help surviving as compulsive overeaters.

Peace & Love,
-Chinwendu aka Paul Jackson