No, No, No

Today I woke up hungry. I know that what I'm feeling is physical hunger, however, I cannot go eat. If I start eating at 5:30am the choices that I'll make will not be good ones. I decided to come and post something to my blog instead. Lately, my food has been tough for me. I keep rationalizing eating more food, and I haven't been dealing with those feelings lately. School for the most part is over for the semester, just one more paper to write and no finals left. I feel like binging almost everyday lately. I not sure what's is at the root of it, but I ask The Spirits to guide me away from food. I want to recover. These past couple of weeks have been difficult, but I made it through. "I" means that I have been using others to get me through. I cannot do this alone. I learned that in OA, even though I feel like I'm slipping away from many of the people there. I feel like my fellow members of OA helped me open a door to the discovery of my compulsive overeating. I thought when I walked through that door I would be going on an adventure of self-recovery with people that wanted to get better like me. That doesn't feel like the case a year and a half later. I feel like it's time for me to branch out into the world. Also, I feel like a need to stop labeling myself "recovering from compulsive overeating" because I want everyone to know how hard I'm trying to become a different person. I need to just live with all the new knowledge The Spirits have given me and just let myself grow, without any restrictions. I know that I am a person that wants to be good, and I want to make the world around me better. I just need to work on that.