Monday was by far the worst day I've had with food since I have been in OA. I disregarded all my boundaries. I ignored all the rules that make me feel safe and confident in my recovery. On Monday I fell early in the day and didn't get up until the mid-evening. I spent about 12 hours of the day feeling sorry for myself, bitter because I don't have the control I once had now being a stay-at-home parent. I have to go to school and run my kids back and forth all over the place on Mondays and Wednesdays. I don't want to clean my house, I don't want all these tasks to be so fucking difficult, but life is for learning. So today accept my responsibilities and master them so that life will reward me with new challenges. When things are difficult, I can face them, or I can eat. On Manic Monday I ate, that is old thinking. Today I'm back on track continuing on the journey of updating my thinking.
Food from Monday
To start - 5 oatmeal raisin bars, 2 cups of grapes.
Lunch - Feta Cheeseburger, 3 boneless skinless chicken thighs, 2 cups of potato salad, 2 oatmeal raisin bars.
Later on - 5 oatmeal raisin bars w/ milk
Dinner - 3 hot dogs on two hot dog buns, 2 chicken thighs, 2 cups of potato salad, a handful of grapes, about 2 cups of raw broccoli and carrot w/ bleu cheese dip
An hour after supper - 2 oatmeal raisin bars
1 comment:
I deal with compulsive over eating every single day too. A book that really helped me deal with some of my issues is The Structure House Weight Loss Plan. Its based on a diet clinic in North Carolina called The Structure House and they teach people how to control their food intake by using structure and meal planning. While I don't agree with everything they teach, reading this book really gave me a lot of food for thought and I have put a lot of the principles into play and I typically plan dinner meals at least a week in advance. Breakfast is the same most days and lunch has a few variations based on what I know I'm having for dinner. By doing this I eat from all food groups in portions I need to fuel my body for the day. Looking at food as fuel and not a source of comfort has been the biggest change. Now if I find myself craving something, I add it to my list to make NEXT week. I don't give into the immediate gratification by having it then because I always end up over eating. I guess what I'm trying to say through all of my babble is that there is hope and there is a way to get this under control but its not going to be easy. Portion control and exercise are the keys. You can do this, I'm here to support you and there are lots of other people going through what we go through too. Just don't ever give up!!! You are worth it and that beautiful family of yours needs you strong and healthy so you'll be around for a very long time!
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