The Life & Recovery of Paul Jackson: Craptacular Food Days

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Craptacular Food Days

I just had two real shitty food days. I have purchased donuts 4 out of the last 8 days for myself. I commit to stopping that right now. I must not run, that's what I have been doing since school started. I am not feeling willing to put in the work. Realizing that now I am going upstairs to my room to do homework. A man that is not prepared can never be ready. I said that to my dad almost 12 years ago before I got on a plane and came back to Nebraska. My time to prepare is now.

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Clarity

I never understood football players in the big game praying. Praying for something specific to happen always seemed a bit unpure to me. I used to pray for the ability to wake up the next morning. However, I'd never put any effort into dismantling my fears of obesity, chest pains, and my impending death. I wound rather lay and pray to a God I wasn't all faithful in rather than get myself active in the spirit. Clarity is what I found in OA. The mental clarity I needed to change myself. For over twenty years I let food get in the way of what I needed to see, hear, feel, and live. The world no longer seems so daunting to me. I can now look forward to the struggles of life as learning experiences. Realizing now that facing my life won't kill me.