Daily Report

b - 1 & 1/2 pb&j
l - 1 plate of food (some dressing, mini-taco, veggie pockets, & some chicken nuggets)
d - runza and onion rings

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel w/ fries
d - 1 and 1/2 soup with tomato bread
later on - king size snickers

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b- bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza, w/ some leftover veggie chili w/ fritos
d- 2 helping of turkey and 2 helpings of stuffing
later on - 2 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - 2.0 miles at Norris Middle School track, 5 minutes of running bleachers

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 3 fried eggs w/ cheese and salsa and 2 slices of toast
l - 2 triple cheeseburger from BK
d - 2 grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dipping
3 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some cheese nips
snack - 1/2 an egg salad sandwich and 4 snackwell cookies
d - 2 chili dogs, 1 hot dog, and a can of corn

green light day

Today I'm grateful for wanting what I have.

e - 50 minutes of walking @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some crackers
l - personal pizza and 1/2 an individual spaghetti w/ meatsauce
d - 3 slices of pizza and a breadstick

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for pull-ups.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster and 10 minutes of hoops @ 24

Daily Report

b - cheese, crackers, pickles, & summer sausage
l - some grapes and 2 bites of strawberry yogurt
d - some more cheese, crackers, summer sausage, but also with eggsalad and bread
later on - sonic blast
even later on - half a my sister's sonic blast

Red Light Day

Today I'm grateful for My Breezy YO!'s touch on my skin.

e - 45 minutes of treadmill, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops and 24

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
Thanksgiving Dinner - 2 plates of food, 1/2 slice of pumpkin pie, 1/2 slice of cherry pie, 2 slices of apple pie

Yellow Light Day

Today I'm grateful for an invitation to come and spend the holiday with people that I love.

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster, 25 minutes of shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - can of slim fast
l - soft taco and a grilled stuft burrito from Taco Bell
d - 4 slice of pizza and 2 breadsticks

Green Light Day

I'm grateful today that I am willing to "do the work" of recovery.

e - 30 stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 3.8mph and 30 shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix
d - 1 and 1/2 bowl of marinara spaghetti and a can corn
dessert - oreo sonic blast

yellow light day

Today I'm glad all the time is not mealtime.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 4.0, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops at 24HF

Weight Report

2 days ago at 24HF I weighed myself for the month. I'm at 450, down 2 lbs from last month. I have been lackadaisical with my food and my exercise over the past month. It's time to get back into a more normal stride and start listening to my body

Daily Report

B - 3 slices of thin crust pizza and 2 breadstix
L - 1 plate at my daughters pre-school thanksgiving dinner
S - 5 or 6 fritos with hummus, and a cheese stick
D - lasagna and a cesar salad

Today I'm grateful I'm outta school for a whole week!

E - 43 minutes walking at 4.0 mph and 15 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
L - 2 breadstix and bean burrito
D - plate of veggie chili nachos

Today I'm grateful that I hear my body.

E - 30 minutes of treadmill and 20 of shooting hoops at 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel sandwich and some fries
d - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for Bob Marley

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster and 20 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24 HF.

Late Daily Reports

Thursday, November 15, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open face turkey sandwiches
d - 2 slices of pizza, 2 breadstick, half of a spaghetti

Green Light Day

E - none

Friday, November 16, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - half a Frescetta Pizza with garlic hummus
d - 1 and 1/2 Falafal Sandwiches w/ a few fries and some chips and hummus
later on - Reese's Sonic Blast

Yellow Light Day

E - None

Good-bye Mr. King Size

When I came into OA I cut my food by 50%. That was easy because I made some rules that I was willing to live by. Now it is time for me to rewrite those rules again. For about 4 months now my mind has been fighting with my stomach about food. I will be in the act of eating something and my body will tell my I have had enough. However, my mind keeps telling me to keep eating. I don't want to do that anymore. Today I'm giving up eating more food than I need.

My entire life I have lived for big meals. I'm not talking about just during the holiday season or a birthday celebration or something like that. I'm talking about everyday breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wanted big meals all the time. I was at a buffet if and only I was experiencing life to the fullest. That's sounds like a weird statement I know, but the only time I truly remember uncontrollable bliss is when I was in the presence of more food than I could handle. Even though I have stopped eating to that level of excess, I have still been holding on to that bliss from compulsive eating.

For today, I realize that I need to release more of my food. I have been losing weight at a pace of about 8 lbs a month since a joined 24 Hour Fitness in May. I know that I must be willing to do this for continuation of my recovery to keep happening. I want to eat like a normal person, that doesn't mean I will think like a normal person does about food. I'm ok with that. I have tools today to help deal with my disease of compulsive eating. Knowing that, I must now say my good-byes to eating more food than I need to live.

I have a responsibility to love and care for myself, excess food takes away from that.

Love is not large quantities of food.

Being overweight hides who I really am.

I don't want to be fat anymore.

Less food equals a smaller me, and a smaller me can live for a long time.

I want to be alive when my kids have kids.

Excess food equals death for me.

Eating right keeps my spirit alert, aware and ready for action.

I deserve the next level of life, to get there I'm letting go of this excess food.

Normal exists for a reason, I want to experience it.

Good-bye Mr. King-Size, you are dismissed.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - falafel sandwich w/ curry fries
snack - king size snickers
d - 4 pieces of chicken, serving of mashed potatoes and a biscuit from Popeye's
after the gym - king size m&m's

red light day

Today I'm grateful for my struggles.

e - 1 hour personal training appointment at 24hf

I'm exicited....

I'm excited to get today over with. I have a long school day, errands to run, personal trainer appointment at 9pm at 24HF, and an OA meeting at 7:30 today. Despite my crying, I'm excited to have this full life. I'm grateful for this life, I love it.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 Chicken Sandwiches, 1/2 PB&J
D - Gyro & Fries
Later On - Slice of Pie

Today I grateful that I have friends.

E - 30 of StairMaster @ 24 Hour Fitness, and 20 minutes of shooting hoops.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Cheesy Beefy Melt, 7 Layer Burrito and Rice from TB
Snack - Snickers Bar
D - 2 bowls of soup, leg, 2 thighs off a rotisserie chicken, and an apple

Today I'm grateful I have a plan

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of cereal
L - Turkey Sandwich and 1/2 a PB&J
D - 2 serving of rice, stir fry vegetables and General Chicken
Later On - 4 oatmeal raisin cookies

Today I'm grateful that my left knee is now without pain.

E - 2.4 miles on FCT

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 PB&Js
D - Falafel sandwich and fries

Today I'm grateful that I have the ability to act on life instead of just reacting.

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of oatmeal
L - Gyro and Fries
D - 1 and 1/2 bowls of pasta w/ 3 pieces of spinach garlic bread

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful that my feet touch the floor when I sit on the toilet.

E - None

People in my life

K8thekat, Nia, Geni, Baby X, Momz, Peedie, Dizzle, Jill, Chicken Mom, Cornbread, Randa, Mr. Corry, Jacqueline, Cherrisse, Granny Cook, Eze, Ike, Aunt Julia, Mr. Coughran, Ms. Martin, niQ, baby duky, & Dr. Coughran I love you all. Thanks for being around.

Holla @ ya boy,
Paul Jackson

Disappearing Act

I have been gone for a week from my blog. I have been whining, griping, fighting with myself, my wife and my life. Resistance never gets me anywhere. The world taught me a big lesson this past week. If I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to take care of anything. So, I am gonna slow down and get back to some basics for me. I have kinda let go my focus at school, that is behavior I'm notorious for doing. I am recomposing myself and not letting myself quit. Quitting is my old forte. I have 2 "B's" and 1 "C" in the courses I am currently taking. I should have 3 "A's," but I also should be 200 lbs. I haven't put in the work, on either front yet, so why should I have results I haven't worked towards. On the school front, I'm moving forward. On the recovery part, I'm moving forward. My last week of food has been OK, nothing horrid nothing fabulous. However, I'm realizing that I want to participate in some sort of compulsive behavior when I'm feeling disgruntled, angry, or out of place and I won't let myself eat. That's when I need to get to a meeting, but I haven't been to one in over a week. I missed my regular one for a Friday night photoshoot at the Walmart portrait studio, not my idea of fun. I have other tools for getting to a better mental place, and this blog is one of them. I don't know why I run from the things that help me "get better" when I'm in a "bad place." Today I realize that this is going on at least, and I'm trying to update my thinking for the future. Anyways, my daily report will consist of a something I am grateful for that day (I probably won't do this forever). I will also start adding if I execised that day. Moving my body gives me time to focus on me in a really healthy way. I need to make the best effort I can exercise daily.

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Spaghetti and 1 and 1/2 Giant Breadstix from work
D - 3 Tacos

Today I am grateful for my opportunity to recover from compulsive eating. Not everyone gets this gift. I want this gift, I need to make sure that I take care of it.

E - Today is walked 2.2 miles on the FCT.