The Life & Recovery of Paul Jackson: Wanting to Eat

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Wanting to Eat

I tried to lie to myself and call today a yellow light day. However, I just kept eating today when I had nothing to do. At home after lunch I indulged in a sandwich without reason. Later, I ate RS which is not something that I should allow myself to ever do at work. I'm blogging about this because I want to stop. But, sometimes I don't ever recognize that I've started until the food is gone. Spirits please be with me and path me in the path of light.

For my life to be clean, my food must be clean because I'm an addict.

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Clarity

I never understood football players in the big game praying. Praying for something specific to happen always seemed a bit unpure to me. I used to pray for the ability to wake up the next morning. However, I'd never put any effort into dismantling my fears of obesity, chest pains, and my impending death. I wound rather lay and pray to a God I wasn't all faithful in rather than get myself active in the spirit. Clarity is what I found in OA. The mental clarity I needed to change myself. For over twenty years I let food get in the way of what I needed to see, hear, feel, and live. The world no longer seems so daunting to me. I can now look forward to the struggles of life as learning experiences. Realizing now that facing my life won't kill me.