Daily Reports

July 4
B-None
L-Spaghetti & Meatballs, Italian Beef Submarino, and 4 breadsticks
D-2 Plates of my Mama's Meatballs with meatballs, 3 brownies
During Vantage Point - a bag of popcorn
yellow light day
e-1 hour of yardwork at my mother's house

July 5
B4 Gym - Granola Bar
B-Bowl of cereal w/milk
L-4 tacos, 1 Chalupa, and a rice from TB
in the afternoon - Sonic Blast
D-Two turkey sandwiches and some fritos
red light day
e-30 min of SM, 10 of ELL, 15 minutes of hoops @ 24

Daily Report

b-bowl of cereal, granola bar with pb
l-baby donut, piece of cinnamon bread, and a bowl of rice
d-3 slices of taco pizza, 2 piece of garlic cheesebread
at the movies - some popcorn
green light day
e-none

Daily Reports

Thurs
b-2 pb&j sandwiches
at work- the topping off 2 slices of pizza
l-left over julio's
d-$5 Footloong and some chips
green light day
e-none

Friday
b-pb&j sand and a bowl of cereal
at work- the toppings off 4 slices of pizza
l-doner kabob and fries
d-2 tacos, 2 chapulas, beans and cheesy potatoes from Taco Bell
yellow light day
e-none

Missing Reports

Monday
B-slim fast, cookie and a banana
at work-cookie, brownie, toppings off four slices of pizza, and a lunch lasagna
d-unknown????
yellow light day
e-none

Tuesday
b-2 pb&j sandwiches
l-individual spaghetti and a giant breadstick
at school-a footlong ham and cheese from subway
when I got home from school-2 slices of pizza
yellow light day
e-none

Wednesday
b-2 pb&j sandwiches
l-individual spaghetti and 5 cheesestix
d-1/2 a small works nacho's and 1/2 a 3 alarm combo from Julio's
yellow light day
e-none

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Friday
b-4 pancakes w/ syrup
l-1 and 1/2 plates at India Garden
d-Veggie Gyro Platter w/ side of meat
green light day
e- none

Sat
b-1 and 1/2 apple fritters
latter on-candied almonds
lunch-2 boca patties w/cheese, 1 bun
snack-a hot dog
d-a slice of pizza and 6 cheesestix
yellow light day
e-30 min SM, 10 min ELP

Daily Report for Yesterday

b-2 pb&j sandwiches
l-2 slices of pizza, a serving au gratin potatoes and 2 cookies
during class-2 zingers, a grab bag of cheetos, half a individal bag of famous amos cookies,
when I got home-bowl of cereal.
yellow light day
e-none

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Yesterday
b-bowl of cereal
l-toppings off 3 slices of pizza, a cookie and a lunch lasagna @ work
before school-2 tuna sandwiches and some fritos
after school-3 slices of pizza and 2 cheesestix
red light day

Today
b-2 pb&j w/ milk
l-2 servings of General chicken and broccoli
at work-a cookie
d- a pint of spinach noodle pasta, a double cheeseburger and a sonic blast
red light day

no exercise either one of these days

Friday
b-slice of pizza and breadstick
l-falafel and fries
d-ham sandwich from Jimmy John, chips and a sonic blast
yellow light day
e-none

Sat
brunch-5 pancakes, 2 eggs and 6 slices of bacon, and milk
dinner-4 pork tacos
dessert-brownie pie and ice cream
red light day
e-none

Sun
brunch-2 Tuna Sandwiches and fritos
d-two double cheeseburgers w/ large onion rings and a few fries
dessert-brownie pie
yellow light day
e-none

Mon
b-bowl of cereal w/ milk
at work-slice of pizza
lunch-2 pork tacos
d-Blacken Tempeh Sandwich and fries from McFoster's
dessert-peanut butter fudge/cookies and cream waffle cone
red light day
e-none

Daily Report for Tuesday and Yesterday

Tues
b - slim fast and 2 hot dogs
l - 1 and 1/2 giant breadsticks and 2 slices of pizza
at school - a cookie and some chips
after school - cheese runza, with fries and onion rings
yellow light day

Wed
b - bowl of cereal and pb&j
l - lunch lasagna and 2 giant breadsticks
in the afternoon - pb&j and soda
d - 1 and 1/2 piece of homemade vegetarian runza casserole
yellow light day

Daily Report

b-a banana, a peach, and a bowl of cereal
l - slice of pizza, 3 breadsticks, 6 cheese raviolis
d- 2 boca patties, 1 bun, a bowl of broccoli, and some grapes
later on - 1 and 1/2 PBJ
green light day

e - none

Daily Report

b- slim fast
l-6 slices of pizza and 3 breadsticks
d-2 grilled cheese sandwiches and some chips
later on - 2 s'mores
yellow light day

e-30 min of SM, 25 min of RT @ 24HF

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - slim fast
l - 2 boca burger and steam carrots
d - 10 boca chk'n nuggets, 2 chicken nuggets and 1 serving of mac'n'cheese
yellow light day

e - 30 min of ST, 150 crunches, 15 min of hoop @24HF

Daily Checklist

Today I'm creating an abstinence band and a daily checklist. I need to help myself to think in more newer ways. I want to post more, but the children are breaking out of there room. I will post on this more later.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - none
taste of omaha - half a gyro, half of a chicken tikka masala, & 1/2 an order of nachos
later on - sonic blast
d - bag of popcorn and PB&J and some RC Cola
yellow light day

e-none

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Sat - 5/31
b-snickers bar
l-2 plates of bbq & 2 slices of cake
d-2 plates of bbq
red light day
e-none

Sun - 6/1
b-bowl of cereal pb&j
l-biscuit sandwich, hashbrowns and 11 french toast sticks
d-6 slices of pizza
red light day
e-none

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Thur
b-half slice of pizza
l & @ work - 3 slices of pizzas, 1 giant cinnamon breadstick
d - 3 slices of pizza, 3 breadsticks
yellow light day

e - none

Fri
b-bowl of cereal and granola bar
l-1 & 1/2 plate at Indian Garden Buffet, small oreo blizzard
d-4 slices of pizza
yellow light day

e - none

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Tues - 5/27/08
B- bowl of cereal and PB&J
L-Toppings off 2 slices of BCB pizza, 2 giant breadstix
later on at work- 3 meatballs and half an ind. spag
d-2 bean burritos, 1 crunchy taco, a fiesta potatoes, and a soft taco
late night - bowl of cereal
yellow light day

e-none

Wed - 5/28/08
B- bowl of cereal and PB&J
l-breadsticks and slice of pizza
d-3 slices of pizza, 2 pieces of cheesebread, and a side salad at Pizza Shoppe w/ Katie
dessert-sonic blast
yellow light day

e-none

We now return you to regular programming....

Having holiday stuff and gathering with friends and family is always great. However after two day of being at functions, I'm really grateful that I'm going to work tomorrow. It should be a good ol' regular day. I need a regular day.

Daily Report for Yesterday & Today

Sun - 5/25/2008
B-Croissant breakfast
L-None
D-2 plates of BBQ at The Joneses
yellow light day

e-over an hour of biking on the Keystone Trail with The Joneses

Memorial Day - 5/26/2008
B-2 eggs, 4 slices of bacon, 2 slices of toast, and a serving of hashbrowns
L-None
D-2 plates of BBQ at Aunt Julie's House
later - some desserty pasty things...too many
yellow light day

e-30 min of ST, 13 min of ELL, 150 crunches @ 24HF

This path of recovery...

This path of recovery for me is a journey that I need to be patient with myself about. Obstacles arrive in my path and there are times when I do not even know that they are there. I have to give myself time to work through difficult situations without being compulsive in my behaviors, especially where eating is concerned. My ability to recover does not demand that I abuse or mistreat myself in anyway. I must love myself enough to let go of the control that I still so desperately desire and let my Higher Powers guide me through this adventure. In the last 2 years the world has changed drastically for me. I went from an attitude of talking about living life to actually living life. I have failed a lot and that failure brings frustration. However, I have accomplished many things that I never have before. I am grateful to The Spirits for providing me the opportunity to become a more conscience, more loving, and more thoughtful person.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b-granola bar, 1/2 of an apple fritter, 3/4 of some lemon pastry, 2 bites of a peanut butter tart
l-2 bowls of salad, 3 breadsticks, and Tour of Italy at Olive Garden
dessert-chocolate soft server from TCBY
d-a plate of nachos, and 1/2 bowl of red beans and rice
yellow light day

e-30 min of SM, 10 of ELL, 15 of hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report for Yesterday

b-bowl of cereal and PB&J sandwich
l-2 slices of pizza and a breadstick
d-pad thai, 2 vegetable rolls and 2 spring rolls
green light day

e-none

A green light day....

For the first night in a long time, I can go to sleep knowing my food was very normal. I'm thankful for this today. Today has provided me with inspiration for tomorrow.

What is a Green Light Day?

I guess I'll find out today. YES!

Weight Report

On April 15 my weight was 445.

Missing Reports

I'm still journaling my food. I just haven't posted in the past couple of days, but here it is.

Tues - 4/22
b-bowl of cereal w/ milk
l-4 slices of thin crust pizza, individual lasagna, and 2 giant cinnamon breadsticks
d-2 slices of pizza and a can of corn
later on - bowl of cereal w/ milk
red light day
e-walked home from school

Monday - 4/21
b-bowl of cereal w/milk
l-2 tuna sandwiches and fritos
snack - granola bar and pudding cup
d - 2 bowls of chicken fried rice
later on - granola bar and pudding cup
yellow light day
e-40 minutes of Stairmaster (30,10), 25 minutes of elliptical (10,15), 35 minutes of shooting hoops (10,25) {I west to the gym twice today}

Sunday - 4/20
b- bowl of cereal w/ milk
l-2 chicken sandwiches and some fritos
d-2 plates of food at Valentino's buffet
yellow light day
e-30 minutes of SM and 10 minutes of elliptical and 15 minutes of shooting hoops

Saturday - 4/19
b- bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - 2 boca burgers and some waffle fries
snack - 1 rice krispie treat regular size
d - 2 burritos, 1 chalupa, 1 and 3/4 meximelts, and a sonic blast
red light day
e - 30 minutes of ST, 10 minutes of ELP, 10 minutes of hoops

Friday - 4/18
b-bowl of cereal
l - 2 chicken sandwiches
d - 1 and 1/2 plates of Veggie Chili Nachos
yellow light day
e - 30 minutes of ST, 10 minutes of ELP, 10 minutes of hoops

Thursday - 4/17
b - Chicken Fried Rice and 2 eggrolls
at work - toppings off 2 slices of pizza
l - 2 slices of pizza, lasagna, and some spinach noodles
snack - KS Snickers
d - four slices of pizza
later on - PB&J
red light day
e-none

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - bowl of cereal
l - two tuna sandwich, about 15 frito scoops, and 1 1/2 cups of soup
d - 7 chicken wings, 1 1/2 breadstix, 5 slices of pizza

yellow light day

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster, 10 minutes of elliptical, 10 minutes of shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - none
at work - a big cookie
l - 2 slices of pizza, a giant breadstick, and a cup of soda
d - 2 biscuits, 6 drumsticks and 1 thigh from popeye's

yellow light day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 cups of bean dip w/ fritos, 7 oreo and 1 cup of milk
d - gyro w/ fries, mcdonald's double cheeseburger

yellow light day

e - 30 minutes stairmaster, 15 minutes elliptical, 20 shooting hoops

Daily Report

brunch - 3 and 1/2 pancakes, 5 strips, & 3 eggs w/ 2 glasses of milk
n btwn - 1 cookies and 5 macadamia nuts
dinner - 1 and 1/2 nacho plates, 2 brownies

yellow light day

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster, 10 minutes of elliptical, 15 minutes of resistance training

Setting myself up....

My wife and I invited my mom to dinner. She asked if she could bring anything and I asked her to bring brownies. That is my biggest trigger food, her brownies. I set myself up to fail and it worked. Am I really tired of this pain of compulsive eating? Today I'm not sure. This is something else I need to let go of so that I can grow. Self-destruction is nasty and I say I don't want to be a part of it, but I did tonight was detrimental to me. It's time for me to set myself up for success.

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - 3 slices of pizza and a bowl of vegetable egg noodle soup
d - 2 tostadas and 2 tacos
dessert - 8 brownies (I totally destroyed my green light day!)

red light day!

e - 30 StairMaster, 5 minutes treadmill, 10 minutes of hoops

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - 1/2 crispy orange chicken bowl, 2 pieces of rotisserie chicken, and carrots sticker w/ bleu cheese
later on - 2 peanut butter cookies
d - 3 slices of cheeseburger pizza
later on - 2 peanut butter cookies

green light day

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster and 25 leg resistance training

Daily Report

b - 2 pb&j's and a glass of milk
l - 2 slices of pizza, 1 breadstick, and 1 cup of spaghetti w/ meatsauce
d - 1/2 Crispy Orange Chicken Bowl & 1/2 Boneless Buffalo Wing Appetizer from Applebee's
at the movies - 2 cookies, 1/2 a medium pop corn, & king size m&m's

red light day

e - none

Humility

I have not been humbled by my compulsive overeating lately and cunning, baffling and power food has slipped right back into my life in a dangerous way. Today I accept who I am and what I do. Today I will work towards my goals and not live inside my fear.

Daily Report

b - pb&j and a glass of milk
l - 3 frozen fish fillets, 1 wheat bun, and steamed carrots, & 7 oreo cookies
n btwn - large chili cheese tot from sonic and large vanilla coke
d - 5 slices of pizza

red light day

e - 30 min of Stairmaster, 10 min of elliptical, and some hoops

Daily Report

b - bowl of oatmeal
l - 2 slices of pizza, salad and breadstick
d - 2 sloppy joe's and potato salad

green light day

e - none

Crazy

I told my wife yesterday, "my food has been crazy." Her response, "When was the last time you posted your food?" She stopped me dead in my tracks. No matter how much I hate to admit it, I am a compulsive overeater. Today, in order for me to recover, I need to be posting my food. I don't like to do it because I find it a bother, but making myself review my intake at the end of each is good for me. Writing it out doesn't let me rationalize what I did. I'm honest with my posting and if I don't like what I'm seeing then I need to change how I act. I'm so tired of repeating this process and I'm starting to get angry at myself for not sticking with this posting. I must let go of the angry and focus on the solution, today I will try to do that

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - two boca burgers and steamed carrots, afterwards a bowl of ice cream (1.5 cups) and 4 oreo's
d - 2 big tuna sandwiches and fritos (25-30 chips)

yellow light day

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster, 10 minutes of the elliptical, 15 minutes of shooting hoops

On a Tuesday, April Fool's Day, don't get caught slippin

"On a Tuesday, April Fool's Day, don't get caught slippin..." -Outkast - Decatur Psalm

Wow. I'm glad to post. I'm trying to learn new ways to live, and let go of some of my old habits. It is turning out to be the most frustrating thing I've ever done. I feel my resistance and I'm working on letting it go. The next level of life is waiting for me, and I'm trying to find the staircase.

Today I went to the gym for the second consecutive day, that has not happened in over a month! I feel good. I feel ready for whatever is next.

I'm talking about years and years

I have been questioning what's next for me on this journey of recovery. For the first time since I had been in recovery, my weight went up on my February 15 checkpoint. I have really been trying to focus on school, focus on getting the house in proper order (and maintaining that order), and focus on finding a better ways to parent. In the mean time, I have been so proud of myself for that I've have let other areas of my life slip. This problem that I have is one I'd like to let go of today, and I ask The Spirits to remove this defect of character from me. I want to be able to accept new positive responsibilities and not neglect other responsibilites that are also good for my growth as a person.

Food is not my answer. I know that. I have been acting within that mindframe for the most part, but not always. I need to get clean, all the way clean. I need to define my abstinence with food. So today I need to set that up. I need to have some conversations with people close to me that know about my eating disorder so I can get some help to take a strong step forward.

I bought this book Abstinence from OA and it has been helpful, I plan on continuuing to read it. I can do this one day at a time.

Daily Report

b-2 pbj english muffins
l-2 turkey sandwiches w/ chips and hummus
d-bowl of cereal, 2 boca burgers
green light day
e-none

Daily Reports

MON
b-bowl of cereal
l-2 servings of mexican lasagna, chips and a marshmallow bar
d-5 slices of pizza & 1 breadstick
green light day
e-none

TUES
b-3 donuts & milk
l-half a sandwich & soup from panera
d-two bowls or chicken and rice, a marshmallow bars and a side of rice
yellow light day
e-none

Room 4 Improvement

Thank goodness that recovering doesn't mean recovered. I hope it never does; I don't think it will. Today I ask the spirits to give me the strength to say yes to what I need to do in my life, even if it seems to overwhelming or to tedious. I see so many areas of life that need fixing sometimes I lose focus of the things right in front of me that help me get better. Today I need to focus on those things.

Daily Reports

TUES
b-pasta with meatballs
later on - 2 donuts
l-more pasta with meatballs
d-1 dbl cheeseburger, 1 and 1/2 rodeo cheeseburgers, and a king fry from BK
Red Light Day
e-30 minutes Stairmaster, and resistance training at 24HF

WED
b-can't remember
l-can't remeber
d-6 slices of pizza
Red Light Dinner
e-none

THUR
b-bacon, egg and cheese bagel from UNO student center
l-15 sausage cheese balls and a lettuce and tomato salad (4 balls would have been plenty)
d-2 servings of Mexican Lasagna and some Fritos
red light day
e-none

FRI
b-bowl of cereal
l-2 turkey sandwiches w/ fritos and hummus
d-Falafel w/ fries and 1/3 of my wife's leftover falafel
later on - king size m&m's
yellow light day
e-30 minutes of Stairmaster and 20 minutes of resistance training @ 24HF

SAT
b-bowl of cereal
l-7 layer burrito, chicken taco, baja bean chalupa and a rice from taco bell
d- 2 servings chicken fried rice
later on - sonice blast
yellow light day
e-30 minutes of Stairmaster and 20 minutes of resistance training @ 24HF

SUN - SUPERBOWL MADNESS
b-bowl of cereal
l-bowl of chili, 10 lil smokies, 2 cups of 6 bean salad, and 1 cup of fruit salsa w/ cinnamon chips
d-8 chicken wings & a big plate of blue corn chili cheese nachos
later on - a slice of triple chocolate cake
red light day
e-30 minutes of Stairmaster and 20 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
L - 2 salmon patties with rice and baby spinach
D - 2 bowls of pasta and meatballs
dessert - sonic blast

green light day

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster @ 24 HF and 20 minutes of hoops

Daily Reports

THURS

b - 2 granola bars and milk
l - taco and some nachos
d (@ work) - turkey and stuffing, later on some 3 breadstix and a piece of pecan pie

yellow light day

e - none

FRI

b - nothing (I forgot!)
l - turkey and stuffing that I took home from work
snack - 2 cookies from whole foods
d - crab dip w/ crackers

green light day



SAT

b - 1 and 1/2 turkey and cheese sandwich at home
l -jimmy john's sandwich
later on at work - 6 breadstix and an individual spaghetti
d - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix

red light day

e - 30 min of StairMaster and weight resistance @ 24 HF


SUN

b - bowl of cereal
l - 1 and 1/2 slices of pizza, a breadstick, and some turkey and stuffing
d - 1 and 1/2 bowls of white sauce pasta and some walnuts

green light day

e - not yet

Daily Report

b- 1 pbj sandwich and 1/2 a bowl of cereal
later on - 3 nutri-grain bars
l-anger whopper, rodeo cheeseburger, 1/3 king size fry
d- 2 bowls of general chicken with rice and broccoli

yellow light day

e - none

Craptacular Food Days

I just had two real shitty food days. I have purchased donuts 4 out of the last 8 days for myself. I commit to stopping that right now. I must not run, that's what I have been doing since school started. I am not feeling willing to put in the work. Realizing that now I am going upstairs to my room to do homework. A man that is not prepared can never be ready. I said that to my dad almost 12 years ago before I got on a plane and came back to Nebraska. My time to prepare is now.

Daily Report Mon & Today

MON

B - bowl of cereal
L - Smotherd Pork Chop Special at Big Mama's Kitchen
n between lunch and dinner - 2 donuts and my left over Red Lobster from Sunday
D - Plate of nachos, fritos scoops with the beans and cheese after that
later on at my work X-Mas Party - some turkey and stuffing and pineapple

Red Light Day

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster and 20 of hoops @ 24HF


TUES

B - 2 english muffins
L - 2 servings of mexican lasagna with chips and dip
later on - 2 donuts
D - Falafel sandwich and some fries

Red Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b-skillet at VI with multigrain pancakes
d-admiral's feast @ Red Lobster
dessert - blondie brownie w/ a scoop of ice cream

yellow light day

e - 30 stairmaster, leg resistance training

Let's Make a Deal!

So I have not been posting my food on a regular basis, and I intended for that to continue to be the case. The reason for that is my food has not been a problem for me. I'm not saying that I am no longer a compulsive eater. I'm just saying that I have been taking the proper steps to make sure my compulsion is not kicking my ass everyday. However, it seems that my mommy really enjoys reading my daily reports. Well I've been trying to get my mom to just think about journaling her food; she refuses. So I made a deal with her, I continue to blog my food if she journals hers and reports it to me. It is about accountability with other people that gets us better. None of us can do it alone. Letting pride, fear, embearassment, or anything else get in the way of our recovery means we are not being true to ourselves. I want to reveal my true self; not only to me, but to the world. I want my family to happy, healthy, and progressive. I have to become the change I want to see. I will continue to do that with the guidance of the people I trust with my life everyday.

Daily Report for Fri & Sat

Friday
early in the am - 2 donuts
breakfast - bowl of cereal
lunch - double cheeseburger & fries
dinner - fire spinach with rice
dessert - sonic blast
yellow light day
exercise - none

Saturday
breakfast - bowl of cereal
lunch - 2 grilled cheese and half a bowl of tomato soup
dinner - 3 tostadas, 1 taco, about 10 frito scoops with some beans and cheese
green light day
exercise - 30 minutes of StairMaster & 20 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24HF

The Experience of Recovery

I want to get more of myself into this blog. I have been struggling to get to it as of late. This blog is a good thing for me to have. I need to express a more personal side here. I want to find more people looking for recovery in a positive way. I want people with me that want to be honest, fearless and thorough. I'm not looking to drag anyone or listen to their bullshit.

Weight Report

My monthly number is in. I currently weigh 440. That is a 5 pound loss from last month. I definitely like the feel of losing weight over the holidays. Thank Allah they are over.

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - half a big burro from el aguila
d - plate of chili nachos
dessert - serving of strawberry shortcake

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - a plate of bean nachos
d - 2 bowl of vegetarian fried rice

green light vegetarian day

e - 30 of walking at 24HF, 20 minutes of weight training

The Return of Paul Jackson

Wow....I feel like a foreigner on my own blog. Well things have really been moving and shaking for me literally and figuratively. My wife and I have been hitting the gym almost everyday since we've been on winter recess. We have been moving around rooms in the house, getting rid of tons of own stuff from crap to kids clothes, and we are trying to feng shui things up a bit. Life is good. I have been taking responsibility for myself and I have been making good choices. The Spirits have been guiding me, and I have been listening. Living in the light feels really good. It feels like what life is supposed to feel like.

Merry Christmas

b - none
l - a bowl of pasta with meatballs
snack - 7 or 8 choc. chip cookies
d - 3 servings of ham, some fruit, 1 serving of cheesy potatoes

red light day

e - none

Daily Report

b- 2 croissant, cheese, and fruit
l-split 2 entrees with KT at Applebee's
d-1 croissant turkey sandwich and a brownie

green light day

e - 30 minutes of Stairmaster @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
while at work today - 4 breadsticks, a brownie, & a slice of pizza
d - 1 bowl of soup, 1 slice of homemade wheat bread
green light day

Today I'm grateful I brushed my teeth twice today....minty fresh aaahhhhhh!

E - 30 stairmaster and resistance training

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 2 biscuit sandwiches
l - #9 from Jimmy John's and some BBQ chips
d - Super Nacho and 2 tacos from Taco John's

red light day (not because of quantity as much, everything was fast food)

e - 30 minutes StairMaster, 20 shooting hoops @ 24HF.

Weight Report

445 @ 24hf 2 days ago, down 5 from last month.

Let's get it.

The smell of vomit is so gross.....

I know the smell of vomit is so gross because I held my sick little girl a lot today. I hope she is better tomorrow, sick children can really take it out of me. Then, I want take-out. LOL.

I need to work on my paper for philosphy tomorrow, even if Geni is still sick. Life cannot be my excuses for complacency. Somebody let the world know I'm coming. . . . .

Daily Report

b - cereal w/ milk
l - 2 slices of pizza and spinach dip and crackers
d - 3 drumstix, 2 thighs, 2 biscuit, some fries and mashed potatoes

yellow light day

e - none.

No, No, No

Today I woke up hungry. I know that what I'm feeling is physical hunger, however, I cannot go eat. If I start eating at 5:30am the choices that I'll make will not be good ones. I decided to come and post something to my blog instead. Lately, my food has been tough for me. I keep rationalizing eating more food, and I haven't been dealing with those feelings lately. School for the most part is over for the semester, just one more paper to write and no finals left. I feel like binging almost everyday lately. I not sure what's is at the root of it, but I ask The Spirits to guide me away from food. I want to recover. These past couple of weeks have been difficult, but I made it through. "I" means that I have been using others to get me through. I cannot do this alone. I learned that in OA, even though I feel like I'm slipping away from many of the people there. I feel like my fellow members of OA helped me open a door to the discovery of my compulsive overeating. I thought when I walked through that door I would be going on an adventure of self-recovery with people that wanted to get better like me. That doesn't feel like the case a year and a half later. I feel like it's time for me to branch out into the world. Also, I feel like a need to stop labeling myself "recovering from compulsive overeating" because I want everyone to know how hard I'm trying to become a different person. I need to just live with all the new knowledge The Spirits have given me and just let myself grow, without any restrictions. I know that I am a person that wants to be good, and I want to make the world around me better. I just need to work on that.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 2 slices cinnamon raisin bread
l - chicken leg and thigh, a serving of potato salad, 2 piece of bread
snack - 1 slice of cinnamon raisn bread
d - 4 slices of pizza, 2 breadstix

yellow light day

Post Something

So I did. Fuck, life is crazy. I can't blame my life for letting go of the things that help.

Daily Report

b - 2 slices & 2 breadstix
l - side salad, 3 pieces of cheesebread, 3 slices of pizza, 2 glasses of soda
d - 10 chicken nuggets and a bowl of mac-n-cheese
later on - sonic blast

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b-two cookies
l-plate of nachos
d- 1 & 1/2 bowls of rice and stirfried vegatables
dessert- 4 cookies and 2 scoops of ice cream

yellow light day

e - 45 minutes on treadmill at 24HF

Daily Report

b-2 pieces of chicken and half a taco
l-turkey footlong from subway
d-plate of nachos
later on - 9 chocolate chip cookies

red light day

e - none

Daily Report for Yesterday

b-3 eggs w/ toast and salsa
l-2 squares of lasagna
d-7 tacos, 1 piece of cake and 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream

red light day

e-30 stairmaster, 20 shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 4 drumstick, large cajun rice, some fries, some shrimp cravers, and a biscuit from Popeye's
d - 3 pieces of lasagna, 2 pieces of carrot cake and 3 scoops of ice cream

Red Light Day

e - none

U can't tell me nothing

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
No.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I'd sell them on ebay...ppl will buy anything
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
michael jackson and ice cube
4. What is the best thing about your job?
i get to drive around and listen to my loud ass music

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class?
no

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
canada

9. Quote a song lyric?
"The absence of God will bring you comfort, baby
And planning's for the poor so let's pretend that we're rich"

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
both

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
no

13. If you could be an animal what would you be?
elephant

14. What state/country are you from?
nebraska

15. Tell us about the last conversation/s you had.
how bout i don't

16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
on vacation mofos

17. What is your favorite smell?
DKNY Be Delicious

18. What is your favorite sight?
the sun

19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
neg

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
jeah

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
jeah...i was an angry teenager

23. Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
yes

24. Have you ever toilet-papered someone's house?
no

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
yes,...

26. Have you ever gone camping?
jeah

27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
jeah...

28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
no

29. Have you ever drank?
jeah

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
just the police...but i'm black and i live in omaha

32. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
all the time

33. Have you ever been cheated on?
i hope not...that would really fuck up this whole marriage thing

34. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
jeah

35. Have you ever lied to your parents?
...duhhh

36. Have you ever been out of the US?
i got married in canada...bitches

37. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
no

38. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
no

39. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
oh yea...yikes

40. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
idk

41. Kissed more than one person at a time?
no

Daily Report

b - 1 & 1/2 pb&j
l - 1 plate of food (some dressing, mini-taco, veggie pockets, & some chicken nuggets)
d - runza and onion rings

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel w/ fries
d - 1 and 1/2 soup with tomato bread
later on - king size snickers

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b- bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza, w/ some leftover veggie chili w/ fritos
d- 2 helping of turkey and 2 helpings of stuffing
later on - 2 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - 2.0 miles at Norris Middle School track, 5 minutes of running bleachers

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - 3 fried eggs w/ cheese and salsa and 2 slices of toast
l - 2 triple cheeseburger from BK
d - 2 grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dipping
3 hand fulls of peanut m&m's

Yellow Light Day

e - none

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some cheese nips
snack - 1/2 an egg salad sandwich and 4 snackwell cookies
d - 2 chili dogs, 1 hot dog, and a can of corn

green light day

Today I'm grateful for wanting what I have.

e - 50 minutes of walking @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - 2 open-face egg salad sandwiches and some crackers
l - personal pizza and 1/2 an individual spaghetti w/ meatsauce
d - 3 slices of pizza and a breadstick

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for pull-ups.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster and 10 minutes of hoops @ 24

Daily Report

b - cheese, crackers, pickles, & summer sausage
l - some grapes and 2 bites of strawberry yogurt
d - some more cheese, crackers, summer sausage, but also with eggsalad and bread
later on - sonic blast
even later on - half a my sister's sonic blast

Red Light Day

Today I'm grateful for My Breezy YO!'s touch on my skin.

e - 45 minutes of treadmill, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops and 24

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
Thanksgiving Dinner - 2 plates of food, 1/2 slice of pumpkin pie, 1/2 slice of cherry pie, 2 slices of apple pie

Yellow Light Day

Today I'm grateful for an invitation to come and spend the holiday with people that I love.

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster, 25 minutes of shooting hoops

Daily Report

b - can of slim fast
l - soft taco and a grilled stuft burrito from Taco Bell
d - 4 slice of pizza and 2 breadsticks

Green Light Day

I'm grateful today that I am willing to "do the work" of recovery.

e - 30 stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 3.8mph and 30 shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix
d - 1 and 1/2 bowl of marinara spaghetti and a can corn
dessert - oreo sonic blast

yellow light day

Today I'm glad all the time is not mealtime.

e - 30 minutes of stairmaster, 15 treadmill @ 4.0, and 10 minutes of shooting hoops at 24HF

Weight Report

2 days ago at 24HF I weighed myself for the month. I'm at 450, down 2 lbs from last month. I have been lackadaisical with my food and my exercise over the past month. It's time to get back into a more normal stride and start listening to my body

Daily Report

B - 3 slices of thin crust pizza and 2 breadstix
L - 1 plate at my daughters pre-school thanksgiving dinner
S - 5 or 6 fritos with hummus, and a cheese stick
D - lasagna and a cesar salad

Today I'm grateful I'm outta school for a whole week!

E - 43 minutes walking at 4.0 mph and 15 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24HF

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal
L - 2 breadstix and bean burrito
D - plate of veggie chili nachos

Today I'm grateful that I hear my body.

E - 30 minutes of treadmill and 20 of shooting hoops at 24HF

Daily Report

b - bowl of cereal
l - falafel sandwich and some fries
d - 3 slices of pizza and 2 breadstix

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful for Bob Marley

e - 30 minutes of StairMaster and 20 minutes of shooting hoops @ 24 HF.

Late Daily Reports

Thursday, November 15, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - 2 open face turkey sandwiches
d - 2 slices of pizza, 2 breadstick, half of a spaghetti

Green Light Day

E - none

Friday, November 16, 2007

b - bowl of cereal
l - half a Frescetta Pizza with garlic hummus
d - 1 and 1/2 Falafal Sandwiches w/ a few fries and some chips and hummus
later on - Reese's Sonic Blast

Yellow Light Day

E - None

Good-bye Mr. King Size

When I came into OA I cut my food by 50%. That was easy because I made some rules that I was willing to live by. Now it is time for me to rewrite those rules again. For about 4 months now my mind has been fighting with my stomach about food. I will be in the act of eating something and my body will tell my I have had enough. However, my mind keeps telling me to keep eating. I don't want to do that anymore. Today I'm giving up eating more food than I need.

My entire life I have lived for big meals. I'm not talking about just during the holiday season or a birthday celebration or something like that. I'm talking about everyday breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wanted big meals all the time. I was at a buffet if and only I was experiencing life to the fullest. That's sounds like a weird statement I know, but the only time I truly remember uncontrollable bliss is when I was in the presence of more food than I could handle. Even though I have stopped eating to that level of excess, I have still been holding on to that bliss from compulsive eating.

For today, I realize that I need to release more of my food. I have been losing weight at a pace of about 8 lbs a month since a joined 24 Hour Fitness in May. I know that I must be willing to do this for continuation of my recovery to keep happening. I want to eat like a normal person, that doesn't mean I will think like a normal person does about food. I'm ok with that. I have tools today to help deal with my disease of compulsive eating. Knowing that, I must now say my good-byes to eating more food than I need to live.

I have a responsibility to love and care for myself, excess food takes away from that.

Love is not large quantities of food.

Being overweight hides who I really am.

I don't want to be fat anymore.

Less food equals a smaller me, and a smaller me can live for a long time.

I want to be alive when my kids have kids.

Excess food equals death for me.

Eating right keeps my spirit alert, aware and ready for action.

I deserve the next level of life, to get there I'm letting go of this excess food.

Normal exists for a reason, I want to experience it.

Good-bye Mr. King-Size, you are dismissed.

Daily Report for Yesterday

b - bowl of cereal w/ milk
l - falafel sandwich w/ curry fries
snack - king size snickers
d - 4 pieces of chicken, serving of mashed potatoes and a biscuit from Popeye's
after the gym - king size m&m's

red light day

Today I'm grateful for my struggles.

e - 1 hour personal training appointment at 24hf

I'm exicited....

I'm excited to get today over with. I have a long school day, errands to run, personal trainer appointment at 9pm at 24HF, and an OA meeting at 7:30 today. Despite my crying, I'm excited to have this full life. I'm grateful for this life, I love it.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 Chicken Sandwiches, 1/2 PB&J
D - Gyro & Fries
Later On - Slice of Pie

Today I grateful that I have friends.

E - 30 of StairMaster @ 24 Hour Fitness, and 20 minutes of shooting hoops.

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - Bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Cheesy Beefy Melt, 7 Layer Burrito and Rice from TB
Snack - Snickers Bar
D - 2 bowls of soup, leg, 2 thighs off a rotisserie chicken, and an apple

Today I'm grateful I have a plan

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of cereal
L - Turkey Sandwich and 1/2 a PB&J
D - 2 serving of rice, stir fry vegetables and General Chicken
Later On - 4 oatmeal raisin cookies

Today I'm grateful that my left knee is now without pain.

E - 2.4 miles on FCT

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - 2 PB&Js
D - Falafel sandwich and fries

Today I'm grateful that I have the ability to act on life instead of just reacting.

E - None

Daily Report for Yesterday

B - bowl of oatmeal
L - Gyro and Fries
D - 1 and 1/2 bowls of pasta w/ 3 pieces of spinach garlic bread

Green Light Day

Today I'm grateful that my feet touch the floor when I sit on the toilet.

E - None

People in my life

K8thekat, Nia, Geni, Baby X, Momz, Peedie, Dizzle, Jill, Chicken Mom, Cornbread, Randa, Mr. Corry, Jacqueline, Cherrisse, Granny Cook, Eze, Ike, Aunt Julia, Mr. Coughran, Ms. Martin, niQ, baby duky, & Dr. Coughran I love you all. Thanks for being around.

Holla @ ya boy,
Paul Jackson

Disappearing Act

I have been gone for a week from my blog. I have been whining, griping, fighting with myself, my wife and my life. Resistance never gets me anywhere. The world taught me a big lesson this past week. If I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to take care of anything. So, I am gonna slow down and get back to some basics for me. I have kinda let go my focus at school, that is behavior I'm notorious for doing. I am recomposing myself and not letting myself quit. Quitting is my old forte. I have 2 "B's" and 1 "C" in the courses I am currently taking. I should have 3 "A's," but I also should be 200 lbs. I haven't put in the work, on either front yet, so why should I have results I haven't worked towards. On the school front, I'm moving forward. On the recovery part, I'm moving forward. My last week of food has been OK, nothing horrid nothing fabulous. However, I'm realizing that I want to participate in some sort of compulsive behavior when I'm feeling disgruntled, angry, or out of place and I won't let myself eat. That's when I need to get to a meeting, but I haven't been to one in over a week. I missed my regular one for a Friday night photoshoot at the Walmart portrait studio, not my idea of fun. I have other tools for getting to a better mental place, and this blog is one of them. I don't know why I run from the things that help me "get better" when I'm in a "bad place." Today I realize that this is going on at least, and I'm trying to update my thinking for the future. Anyways, my daily report will consist of a something I am grateful for that day (I probably won't do this forever). I will also start adding if I execised that day. Moving my body gives me time to focus on me in a really healthy way. I need to make the best effort I can exercise daily.

Daily Report

B - bowl of cereal w/ milk
L - Spaghetti and 1 and 1/2 Giant Breadstix from work
D - 3 Tacos

Today I am grateful for my opportunity to recover from compulsive eating. Not everyone gets this gift. I want this gift, I need to make sure that I take care of it.

E - Today is walked 2.2 miles on the FCT.