The Life & Recovery of Paul Jackson: July 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

Welcome

Wow, I haven't touched my blog in almost a year. The day of my last post was the day my daughter was born. I have learned so much, but I still cannot string together multiple days of quality abstinence. Today I returned more experienced, but still diseased. My crutch feels more burdensome than helpful, and still I'm scared of falling to the ground without it. My mother is providing me inspiration these days. Perhaps it's time I hop on her star and shine out. Death will willingly accept me, I need to show it I'm not ready.

Clarity

I never understood football players in the big game praying. Praying for something specific to happen always seemed a bit unpure to me. I used to pray for the ability to wake up the next morning. However, I'd never put any effort into dismantling my fears of obesity, chest pains, and my impending death. I wound rather lay and pray to a God I wasn't all faithful in rather than get myself active in the spirit. Clarity is what I found in OA. The mental clarity I needed to change myself. For over twenty years I let food get in the way of what I needed to see, hear, feel, and live. The world no longer seems so daunting to me. I can now look forward to the struggles of life as learning experiences. Realizing now that facing my life won't kill me.