The Life & Recovery of Paul Jackson: August 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

Allah Akbar

I went outside today in my front yard and asked for guidance. I was told to get on my knees, as I faced the morning sun. Resistance ran through me like a squirrel dashing indecisively across a busy street, but eventually I came to my knees. I asked for guidance because my compulsive brain wants relief that my body has so desired for years. Yesterday, it was revealed to me that the compulsion to eat can be relieved. I am holding that close to me today as I move forward.

Clarity

I never understood football players in the big game praying. Praying for something specific to happen always seemed a bit unpure to me. I used to pray for the ability to wake up the next morning. However, I'd never put any effort into dismantling my fears of obesity, chest pains, and my impending death. I wound rather lay and pray to a God I wasn't all faithful in rather than get myself active in the spirit. Clarity is what I found in OA. The mental clarity I needed to change myself. For over twenty years I let food get in the way of what I needed to see, hear, feel, and live. The world no longer seems so daunting to me. I can now look forward to the struggles of life as learning experiences. Realizing now that facing my life won't kill me.